The movie of my life: Casting underway!

Twitter is the most brilliant thing ever invented! Beats the hell out of the wheel and penicillin that's for sure. Just the most random shit happens on Twitter, and conversations break out and distract me all over the place. Take last night for example...

My new bestest-Twitter-friend @Simieboy, who I do not know and have never met, asked the hilarious @kyliedoyle, who is a pre-social-media friend, who would play us in the Underbelly version of our lives? Amused, greatly!! Of course @kyliedoyle would be played by Catherine Zeta Jones because she is a very glamorous and sophisticated brunette. Ideally I would be played by someone distractingly beautiful, cheeky, in their early 20's and with a body to die for. Such as someone like Zac Efron or the guy with the mohawk from Glee. The reality is the only people I ever get as a look-a-like are tragic tabloid trash, drug addicts, weirdo's or fatties. Let me take you through my Top 4 All-Time Look-A-Likes.

1. Peter Andre
I get this A LOT! I have got this since 1993 but even more so lately - much to my mortification. I have even had people stop me in shopping centres. Let me just be clear... I am not orange, do not have black hair, I haven't seen an abdominal muscle since 89 and my interest in trashy page 3 models is purely platonic.

My hair is taller!

2. Joaquin Pheonix
This one I don't really see at all, but am not really offended by either. I got it a lot when Gladiator was the hottest thing around. He's a complete whack-job but he sure can act. So more than happy for Joaquin to play me in the movie of my life even though the resemblance is little more than hair colour.

Too butch

3. Jack Black
OFFENSIVE!!! When is it a good thing to be compared to a chubby guy with personal grooming issues. Only saving grace is that he's hilarious, just a shame that has nothing to do with his looks. I hate to admit it, but I can kind of see that if you squint your eyes we could be confused.

Damn, more similar than I thought.

4. A Greek or Italian man
I get this once a month at least. My genetic pedigree is white on white, nothing remotely interesting except for a mixed-race marriage out of South Africa many generations ago. I would kill for Mediterranean skin. I get this look-a-like because I have a very dark mono-brow.

Similar teeth too...

Oddly, the only thing these four have in common is some seriously dominating eyebrows, maybe thats my defining feature as well. What a startling revelation to have at the age of 38.

So to answer your question @Simieboy and @kyliedoyle... I have to go with Joaquin for two reasons.
A) there is believed to be a remote resemblance
B) he has the skill level to pull off my multiple personality disorder.
Go forth and cast him!

Now, more importantly, who would be cast to play you in the movie of your life? And don't be bashful!


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Breaking News... I forgot one, Miss Cal has shot through a reminder. And considering this one has boobs you can understand why she wasn't top of mind. SANDRA BERNHARD! As brilliant as she is this is the most SHOCKING of my look-a-likes. Mainly because I am a man.