Friday, September 30, 2011

Manscaping!


I’m having issues with body hair. In the most part because I am a ‘man of a certain age…’ and there just seems to be more of it. The second reason is that now social occasions determine a certain hair aesthetic, a cultural requirement.

These are the pressure I currently face.

Lets start from the top and work down. I’ll stop at the belt line, cause I don’t want to have to use the term wippa-snipper in this post.

Brows have been important to me since my mid-20’s. This is when I quickly leanrt that a young-gay in Sydney should not have just the one eyebrow. I was mocked endlessly when I first stepped onto Oxford St for my monobrow. Cause I never went to gay-school I did not understand this rule. Me, I’d been cruising through regional NSW as a straight boy and no one had ever mentioned my massive, ear-to-ear-with-no-break-in-the-middle eyebrow.

This is another example, of which there are many, that gay men are held to higher standard than our straight brothers. The second most obvious is the beer gut. Completely appropriate on all straight men, it can even be sexy. The gayers will not stand for that. Its frowned upon. I’ve seen people whisked off for emergency sit-ups at Fitness First before their friends had to cull them.

Anyways, I digress.

I’m sure in the early days of having my eyebrows waxed I could get away with every 3-4 weeks. Slowly over time this became every three weeks. Well this year it is absolutely a maximum of 2 weeks. I feel like I spend more time at ManKind than I do at work. Not that I am complaining, I adore them. Especially my beautiful Ona who has never put a single tweezer wrong in all the time she has been my brow manicurist.

But surely having to go every 2 weeks is excessive! And don’t you dare suggest I should ‘maintain’ myself! If you knew the strength required to pull one of those fuckers you’d know that this is impossible. Ona is the only one who can do it.

Now in my weekly planner it is very clearly marked that Mondays and Thursdays are shaving days. This is primarily because I don’t care what I look like on Wednesdays or weekends. I’ve been shaving since I was in Year 6 and nothing bores me more, and I mean nothing. I’d rather watch repeats of The Nanny than shave.

This is where I get to ‘cultural body hair’. Just in the nick of time yesterday morning before I applied my Clinique shaving cream I remembered tonight! Phew. See tonight I have The Sculptor in town again and we’re going to a gathering of Bears. The Sculptor has taught me that they do not trust or like anyone without facial hair and there is nothing I hate more than being ostracized or getting the dresscode wrong. So I’m full hairy Bear for the night.

But here’s the contradiction. I have a dance party thing, Daywash, to go to on Sunday which will be full of the buff and the beautiful and you can bet your life there will not be a hairy chest amongst them. So while I’m thinking ‘thank god I remembered not to shave’ I’m also thinking ‘Where are the Remingtons, I need to trim down that chest’. There are different hair rules for every occasion.
Not mine, but a Stunt Double
I have to admit I’m not so opposed to clippering my chest though, for two reasons. The first, and most importantly, is that my chest is the only body part so far to sprout some grey hairs. And they look horrific. Only when I’m wearing a low-cut blouse does anyone notice. Chances are I’ll be topless most of the day so I need to trim those fuckers back.

The second is that a clippered body makes you look more defined. Not sure how or why, it just does. You want take off a few kilos than No.1 clipper all over your torso. I’ve been meaning to go to the gym for a few months to be ready for this party but I kept forgetting/sleeping/eating. So now I still have the body of Marshmallow Man so the clippering will at least help a little bit. I’ll be more Sumo than Marshmallow after a once over with the Remington.

So not only am I getting hairier and greyer but there seem to be more rules to follow. What I should just do is become a straight man and not have to worry about any of this shit.

Hahahahaha. It'd be a cold day in hell....

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Real Families, Real Stories.


Right, listen up people!

Two very important things you need to know about. Pay attention, focus, there will be a quiz at the end.

Get on board the gay marriage bandwagon now, and I have heaps of ways for you to be involved.


Australian Marriage Equality (AME) have two key initiatives up and running over the next few weeks. Both very exciting! For marriage equality to come to fruition in Oz it needs a groundswell of mainstream support. It needs to be seen not just as a gay issue but as an equality issue effecting wider society. That is the focus of AME.

Last week AME announced a campaign called Real Families, Real Stories, Marriage Equality goes to Canberra. In a nutshell they are facilitating people from all walks of life to head to Canberra on October 12 to meet with their local MP's to discuss how marriage inequality effects them. The purpose is to demonstrate that it is not just gays and lesbians this inequality effects but also their family, friends, community and society.

Just wanted to put October 12 on your radar. Perhaps a day to tell your story of how marriage inequality effects you, someone you know or someone in your family. I would love so much to hear and read your stories. As would the team at AME.

And if you were really excited and passionate let me know because I’m sure there is always an opportunity for more people to head to Canberra!


The second initiative they are working on is MyMarriageStory.com.au - its purpose is to give all Australians a platform to share their ‘marriage story’. People can submit their personal story and photos about love, commitment and marriage through the MyMarriageStory.com.au website as a way of showing their support for marriage equality. As the convenor of AME, Alex Greenwich, says... “Everyone’s marriage story is unique, and this website aims to show that every story is special and should be treated equally". He's a very wise man.

For Twitter-lovers like me, there is a Twitter Marriage Rights Forum. AME will be participating in a Marriage Rights Forum on Twitter on Thursday 29 October, 8-9pm. Also taking part are former NSW Premier Kristina Keneally, Star Observer publisher Scott Abrahams and other special guest contributors. To be discussed: methods, ideas and tools that should be used to get the message across, upcoming events people can help with, and their thoughts on the campaign and on marriage. #Equality

So heaps of different ways to be involved if you wanted to. I would be ecstatic with any support you could show for this cause. All of the details of both initiatives are on the AME website – check it out here!

So this is an opportunity for any and every Australian to have a real impact on this cause simply by showing your support and/or spreading the word. Please do not hesitate to let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

Tell your story on your blog, tweet links to blogs on the subject, promo the AME site on your Facebook page.

Take some time and tell your story on MyMarriageStory.com.au

Mark December 3 in your diary NOW cause that’s when I’ll be calling on you to show your support for marriage equality by marching from Hyde Park to Darling Harbour at Labor Party National Conference.

So much to be excited about. So many ways to show support and make a difference.

The next 2 months is our chance to bring about great change.

And now the quick quiz…

a) How many gay or lesbian family or friends do you have?
b) How does their inequality effect you?
c) How can you show support for them?
d) How important is it to you that Australian children grow up knowing that all their friends and family, and especially themselves, are equal in the eyes of the law?

Hate to get all ‘preacher’ on you but hopefully if you think about this you’ll see that this is an issue for so many more people than just the gay community.

Xoxoxoxoxo

St. Murphy


Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Happy Happy Joy Joy


Happy Happy Joy Joy! Sound of Music Happy!


Goddamn I’m in a good place at the moment and I feel like shouting it from the rooftops/laptop.

First of all, I love Man Pit. So happy here. Really used to living alone now. I have my Clinique bathroom, my Diet Coke fridge, my vodka freezer, my My Dog pantry and Foxtel. What more could you want in a bachelor pad? Yep, nothing. I do wish the rent wasn’t bankrupting me but it’s a small price to pay for Man Pit.

I’m loving work! Very exciting at the moment. Have been with the same employer for 7 years so of course there are ups and downs, but at the moment its just up, up and away. And please do not let them know, it will make my life unbearable, but I love the people I work with. Love! Never a dull moment and so much fun.

I’m dating for the first time in my adult life and I’m thinking its pretty cool. I'm very bad at it but that’s a whole other post.

Sammy. That is all. My bestfriend and most loyal companion. And I’ll come up with any excuse to post a photo of him…

Made some very funny friends lately and they constantly amuse me. Also have met the brains and brawn behind both Australian Marriage Equality and Community Action Against Homophobia, personal heroes of mine. They’ve got a huge job to do between now and Dec 3 and I’m gonna help wherever I can.

I’m not even stressed that my financial security hangs in the balance with the sale of my house. I know we’ve done all we can and now it’s out of our hands.
Just my little photo spread in SMH's Domain
Summer is just moments away. Just praying it gets here before I lose all of my hard-earned Koh Samui tan.

And so much to look forward to the next few months…

First up, have The Sculptor and 3GreggyD up from Melbourne this weekend for Big Gay Weekend. Going to my first dance party in four years. I’m nervous/excited. It’s being held during the day though which is great as in the last four years I’ve also become the biggest nanna ever.
I hope they all look like him...
In a few weeks I have a blogging conference in Melbourne, which is great in itself, but I’m also sharing an apartment with Woogsworld, Edenland, StylingYou and Sawhole. Can you imagine? No neither can we so we are webstreaming it. Its scares me that I’ll be with a group of friends where I am the quiet one.

After that I’m having a mini-University reunion with some friends who I shared a dorm with in ’95. I can’t even begin to fathom how much has changed for each of us in the last 16 years but we are going to find out with a weekend together in Orange. With lots of food!

Then the big one! My beautiful Cousin Rach just got engaged to a very fabulous man, Nick; a fine addition to the family and a very happy occasion. Now I am the oldest of our generation and Rachel is the youngest, but in terms of maturity we are the same age. Heading home to Griffith for the engagement party and to celebrate with all the fam. And you know I have a very special family.
Huge and sincere congratulations Nick and Rach
Then before you know it its Xmas Party Season – my favourite time of year! Then two weeks off for the festive season.

So you can see why that today, September 27, 2011, I am a very happy man. Its all seems to have come together quite brilliantly at just the right time. More through good luck than good management, but hey that’s the luck of the Irish (a very tenuous link to my Irish heritage).

So after all my whinging on this page the last 6 months, it feels good to spray happiness today.

Thank you for your patience.

xoxoxo

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Buck$ Night Photo Album

Fucking brilliant night!!! And even better friends.


In fact, making the call early, most fun party of 2011!


Buck$ Night was an Australian Marriage Equality fundraiser so they can continue their amazing work fighting for gay marriage recognition. Congratulations and thank you to Alex Greenwich and AME, not only for a fabulous night but also for working so hard on behalf of the gay and lesbian community.


Now they say a picture says a 1000 words. I think you'll agree that these pictures show exactly how much fun Buck$ Night was. Enjoy!


My boys... Paulie, Shaun, EnGy, Dimples, TheFlack, Dazzle, Miles, Brad, Ross, Jonny, Adam, Rhys and our new favourites Alex and Victor - LOVE YOU GUYS! Thanks for a fantastic night for a brilliant and worthwhile cause. 


xoxoxo
St. Murphy


P.S and thanks so much EnGy for letting me use some of your photos. x

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Not good with new people. But Grindr...???

As a general rule I like people. When I am around people I know I have a good time. I’m relaxed.

I’m not good with new people. New people scare me. The running joke at work is that it can be years before I remember your name. It’s the whole polite thing that makes me nervous. I’m not very good at being polite. In fact for a Communications Professional it is an outright miracle I’ve ever been able to hold on to a job at all. Let alone be any good at it.

Around my friends or in the office I am possibly the rudest, crudest man in the world. Familiarity for me breeds offensiveness. My ‘go-to-one-liner’ will always be crass. It’s how I role and 30+ years of conditioning.

But online, with the giant buffer of the computer screen, I am nowhere near as uncomfortable with new people as I am in person. Taking even the briefest moment to compose a (semi) polite response makes a huge difference for me. I’m even sure some people who don’t know me in person could actually think I am quite lovely from what they know of me online.

Which leads me to my problem.

I’m newly single as of earlier this year and slowly but surely I’m putting myself back out there again. I’m jumping on the dating Merry-Go-Round. And having been ‘coupled’ for such a long time it’s a whole new world compared to the last time I was single. Now, everything happens online. And I mean EVERYTHING! Especially for the gayers. Just Grindr alone has completely and dramatically changed dating in the gay community.
An example of a Grindr homepage
For those unaware of Grindr… It’s a GPS-based messaging system for the hummersexuals. It’s an iPhone app (the reason why all gayers have iPhones!) that when you turn it on it tells you how far away other gayers are – within metres. It is truly the greatest invention the world has ever seen. And as it is culturally acceptable within the gay community, everyone is incredibly direct about what they are looking for – chat, dates, relationship, a root, any and all of the above. It’s the envy of all straight men.

You check out their pics, you check out what they are looking for, you check out if you know anyone or have been there before. You then instant message with who ever and as many as you want while you find what you are looking for. Basically it means that you can pick up without leaving the comfort of your own lounge. My theory is that it has made gay men the laziest species in the world. It’s easier for the gayers to find ‘company’ than rabbits.
A Grindr profile
But back to my original story.

So I’m putting myself back out there. Chatting to boys all over the place. Online I am somewhat polite, semi-intelligent, mildly amusing. But as you know, in person I am bordering on being a complete asshole. So I’ve been chatting away for a while now but at some point you have to put your money where your mouth is (or where you want it to be) and actually meet the boys your chatting with.
A Grindr chat
Which, finally, leads me to my dilemma. Who I am in person can be very different to who I am online – especially when flirting with boys. When I actually go on these dates, and with the existing familiarity we’ve developed online, is my opening line going to be “What the fuck have you done with your hair?”. Or “Ohhhh, I see you’ve stacked on some weight!”  

I just don’t know if I can trust myself to be polite with new people. On a date. The thought of being polite throughout a whole meal sends shivers of fear up my spine.

This is all too much for a 39 year old to learn.

I am starting to think that my Grindr profile should come with a warning…

“May seem like someone you’d like to meet now but chances are he’ll be VILE by dessert.”


This ended up much longer than originally anticipated so ‘the actual dates’ will become Part 2 of this post at a later date.

Also, its really important to me that you know I have taken all these pics from the Grindr website and haven't breached the privacy of anyone on Grindr. 
Cause that would just be fucking rude!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Pimp-Daddy says "Buy my house!"

So the ex, Aschapelle, and I have decided to sell the marital home. Its our little Redfern 2-bedroom dwelling that we bought just over 2 years ago and renovated. I’d forgotten how stressful it is selling a house!  My osteopath will benefit as much as I will. Leaving no stone unturned in the quest to sell so I’m here today to pimp it out. Call me Pimp-Daddy. You just never know, I may have a stalker follower who sits at home hoping and dreaming that one day they can sleep in my former bedroom.

Or there could just be someone looking to buy a gorgeous terrace. Whatever your motivation it works for me.
2 Rennie St, Redfern
Our terrace sits in a beautiful little pocket of East Redfern and is surrounded by the coolest little community. In the early days of St. Murphy I banged on about it quite a bit – the park, the neighbours, the reno’s. I loved living here. It’s a fantastic mix of Surry Hills and all it has to offer but at a safe, accessible distance. East Redfern has all the benefits of inner city living without the Surry Hills price tag.

When Aschapelle and I bought it, it had cement floors and a 70’s kitchen and bathroom. We always saw it as something that would need work. We bit the bullet and reno’d the kitchen and bathroom at the same time and also did floorboards throughout. It was an absolute pain in the ass, we swore we’d never do it again. But we were so so happy (and proud) with the result.

Kitchen is very cool now. Looks so smart f I do say so myself. And we pumped up our chests over the bathroom cause we thought for two ‘design-challenged’ gay-boys it came out very masculine. Not a floral tile to be seen but rather grey slate with a powder blue, glittering recess with rain shower. Heaven.

Upstairs we put in a new bedroom wall closing off a previous open space and put in built-ins. For us it was our dressing room. Between the two of us we had a lot of clothes and needed the whole room to express ourselves. Master bedroom has a balcony and a Foxtel connection. We never agreed on shows – Aschapelle anything reality, me anything scripted drama – so we needed two Foxtel connections or we would have divorced much earlier.


Gorgeous little courtyard with rear lane access out the back. Now this was actually the reason we initially looked at the house. We thought Jackson and Little Sammy needed the space. So we bought the house for our dogs only to discover that they never went out there. And Aschapelle and I, well we rarely left the television. But it is gorgeous and ‘outdoorsy’ people would love it.

Next door is an amazing park that is absolutely central to everything that goes on in the neighbourhood. Seriously, I’ve never seen anything like it. I became so obsessed with it and everything it represents that I wrote a 6000 word paper on it for Uni (yes, a HD). Its full of toys that are there ALL THE TIME! Never stole. Such a safe and secure neighbourhood. There’s a bbq, a compost bin, man-made swings – all provided by the neighbours. They have neighbourhood bbq’s and drinks each Friday night during summer.

Who wouldn’t want to buy into that?

So if you are in the market for a new 2 bedroom home or a brilliant investment please take a look. Our too-cute-for-words real estate agent is the lovely Will Phillips from Bresic Whitney (as a general rule Bresic Whitney has the best looking agents in town, just saying!). Give him a call. But just to be upfront; boys he’s not on our team and girls he has a girlfriend. Call him to buy our house, not to try and get a date.

A little bit sad that we are selling. We obviously bought in happy times. But if there is one thing that can be said about Aschapelle and I, we’ve always been real good about keeping decisions like this emotion free.

So buy my house! Pimp-Daddy says so.

2 Rennie St, Redfern is being shown:
Wednesday's 5.30pm to 6.00pm
Saturday's 10.45am to 11.15am
Auction: Saturday, October 8



Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I want to be Shiney.

I drink too much. I smoke too much. I don’t get enough sleep. My diet is questionable.

Than today I got a letter in the mail that confirmed I am a slob! My gym sent me a lovely note saying "We Miss You". Since I quit with my personal trainer I’ve been to the gym 0 times.

Why is that some people find living a healthy life so easy where as people like me struggle?

Is it just because I’m lazy? Or do I lack a certain gene?

I think because I’m lazy I’d like to think it was because I lacked a gene.

I just look at healthy, fit, buff people (like Christian) and wonder “Where do you find the time?”. Especially all those incredibly toned and shiney gay-boys who must spend hours a day in the gym. I just figure they work part-time or live off an inheritance otherwise there just aren’t enough hours in the day.

For me to get to the gym I need to be up before 6. Which means I’d need to be in bed by 10. So I am at a loss as to how I fit everything else in in-between. Walking Little Sammy, eating, phoning, blogging, tweeting, socialising, Law & Ordering… to say nothing of working. I love all the ‘ings’ so I don’t ever not want to be doing them.

So then a healthier lifestyle comes down to prioritising. So what from my list of ‘ings’ am I willing to give up so that I can make a small step towards being one of those buff, fit, shiney people? Mmmmmm…..

Well I love my job and I kinda need the money so no change to be made there. I spend very little time preparing or eating food so absolutely no time to be saved there. Blogging is my favourite thing in the world, it takes the time that it does and that is that. Tweeting is like breathing so unless you want me to suffocate I won’t be cutting back.

Really the only way I can save myself some time in all of this is my television viewing. This is painful. As you know I have two TV’s at Man Pit now and they both go from morning to night. Granted, I am usually doing something else as well but I can watch up to four Law & Orders a night. If I cut back my TV watching and got myself off to bed by 10 each night than there is a chance.

A small chance that I too can be one of those healthy people. That would be very cool.

Weirdly, just writing this seems to have sorted this out in my brain. I love rambling here so I can make sense of my life. Writing about being too lazy will hopefully make me less lazy.

Maybe I should start writing about hot boys (like the one on the mag cover) lavishing me with love, attention and gifts and then that will start happening too.

A boy can hope.



Monday, September 19, 2011

Buck$ Night

Just cause we can’t get married doesn’t mean we can’t have a Bucks Night! Why should the straights have all the fun?

If there’s one thing the gayers know how to do well its have a good time. Only natural then that there would come a time when we’d want to put our own spin on this homo-erotic, straight-boy tradition.

The very, very smart people at Australian Marriage Equality (AME) are holding a fundraiser this Friday, Buck$ Night and Hen$ Night. GENIUS!!! AME need all the support – and cash – they can get as they are leading the charge to bring about marriage equality in Oz. They are good people doing phenomenal work. And I think this event is just the most brilliant idea to raise money and awareness.

So all our little Twitter cool-gang are going. I’m moist with excitement. And any other boys who’d like to join us you’d be more than welcome. I’m expecting that Buck$ Night could be my absolute favourite night of the year! Even topping the night I split my head open at the Imperial after JoThornely’s 40th.
Slide Bar & Cabaret
I do love a party. And I especially love a party with a purpose. You are making a difference while drinking cocktails rather than just getting drunk.

Wouldn’t it be ironic if I met my future husband, who I can’t marry, at a Bucks Night to raise money so that we can marry.

Obviously it won’t be a debauched, tacky night like our straight-brothers organize. I imagine it will be very glamorous and stylish and the strippers will have doodles. And dance music! And strobe lighting. And of course there will be drag queens dressed all mother-of-the-bride.

I could live out my dream of being a Flower Girl, it would hardly be inappropriate at such an event. I’d love to turn up in a little pink frilly dress with Baby’s Breath in my hair. With cute little white patent pumps. But I’ve never done drag in my life and I’m not about to start now. Even though I was mistaken for a Lady Boy twice in Thailand.

So boys (and girls) if you are not doing anything this Friday night you’d be mad if you missed it! And if you don’t come I think you should be donating to Australian Marriage Equality anyway.

Buck$ Night
Friday, September 23
9pm to 4am
Slide Bar & Cabaret

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Severe Identity Crisis!

Just a quick look  back over some of my blog posts lately and it’s a mix so turbulent it could make you sea sick– electrical appliances, poolside gossip, family stuff, a Bear party, boozey nights, food, gay marriage and Lady Boys. Now that’s an identity crisis.

I’m so confused as to what I’m doing here. I need your help!

There are Mummy Bloggers, Food Bloggers, Tech and Gadget Bloggers, TV Bloggers, Fashion Bloggers, Business Bloggers… all make me feel like the outcast kid sitting alone at the lunch table. I don’t fit in.

I’ve always thought that when I grow up I want to be a Mummy Blogger. They are so cool and have got their shit together. A real community. They have stories about the most random stuff but it all seems to make sense for their page. They are hilarious, insightful, brutally honest and direct. Me, while I do love a penis its clear I don’t have fallopian tubes. Therefore, me no can be a Mummy Blogger as I’m presuming one of the defining characteristics is being a Mummy.

While I certainly care for my Little Sammy like you would a child, he has four legs not two. Doesn’t quite cut it. Perhaps I could be a Dog Daddy Blogger?
Any excuse to include a pic of Little Sammy
Another key factor in my identity crisis is that most of my blogging buddies are Mummy Bloggers. Its bad enough I’m a minority in the real world without being one online as well. I go to Mummy Blogger functions and conferences and stuff, usually as a Mummy Bloggers Plus 1. My three best-blogging-bitches - Mrs Woog, StylingYou and Edenland - lead me through this world and I am their fabulous-gay-best-friend. Perhaps I should become a Hag Fag Blogger?

The stuff I write about most is gay stuff. Truth is, being as camp as Xmas leaves me very little room to move on this one. I lead a particularly homosexual lifestyle. Even my home is called Man Pit. In fact all the best homo stuff I can’t write about here cause it would put hairs on the chest of my Mummy Blogger mates. I’m sure the wider blogging community doesn’t want to hear about Grindr, gay porn, ManHunt, seedy bars, bad one nights stands, etc. Could possibly also paint me as somewhat immoral (coughs, chokes) which would hardly be true.
I wanna be a Gay Super Hero
But it is undeniable there is a very big gay theme running through this blog like a feather boa on the Mardi Gras dance floor. Its what I know best. It’s why I call myself a professional homosexual – I love the ambiguity of that tag! Professional could mean either ‘has a career’, ‘very good at’ or ‘slutty’. I’ll leave it up to you to define for yourself. So probably the most apt description is a Professional Homo Blogger.

I’m also deeply passionate about gay marriage equality. I write about it a lot and that is only going to increase over the coming months in the lead-up to the Labor Party National Conference and CAAH Rally on Dec 3. I’ll be flying the Rainbow flag high and proud between now and then. AND I’ll be expecting lots of support from the blogging community. So this subject leaves me thinking I should be a Gay Activist Blogger, at least for the next 3 months.

Strangely, when I first started this blog 6 months ago, I thought I’d be writing about television (my great love) and pop culture (my great weakness) a lot more than I have. These subjects have lost relevance just like Britney Spears. It seems they just don’t hold my attention like I thought they would. I got too much other shit to talk about. So sadly Television Addict and Pop Culture Victim should not be on my calling card anymore.

So where does that leave me?

Gay as hell, that’s where it leaves me.

So I think from now on I am going to define myself as a Professional Homo Blogger. I’m gonna rally the troops of other Gayers and start our own little community. We may not be as numerous as my dear friends the Mummy Bloggers but goddamn I bet we could match them in vodka consumption and shopping skills.

So my questions for you my lovely readers… 
Have I solved my identity crisis? 
And do you know any other Professional Homo Bloggers?

Friday, September 16, 2011

Such pleasure from an electrical appliance!

Two recent purchases have changed my life! I don’t think anything electrical has ever made me this happy.

Just when I thought I couldn’t rack up anymore debt I gave my credit card one final stab…

A vacuum cleaner and a bedroom TV. Such bliss!

I was ranting not long ago about the knee-deep filth at Man Pit. Cleaning is too daunting but I’m too cheap to pay someone. If I only I’d known that such contraptions as the Electrolux Ergorapido existed my pain would have ended many months ago. Its a genius combination of vacuum AND dust-buster. Did you know it only took me 10mins to whip around Man Pit and erase 6months worth of dog hair? It’s a wondrous thing. I just want to caress it. Its my new favourite upright, phallic electrical product in the world
How goddamn clean is that carpet!
So this was a very practical purchase, the TV not so much.

You may have seen the pics of Man Pit, it is literally the size of your average garage. I sacrifice space for location. And the truth is I really only need a bed and a couch, I don’t even go on my balcony. Or use the kitchen.  I’m one of those inner-city freaks who pays the GDP of New Zealand in rent. But goddamn I could walk to Martin Place in 7 mins if I wanted too. Or just catch a cheap cab which is much more probable.

My bedroom isn’t really a bedroom. It only has two walls. The other two are sliding doors. So if you are laying on my bed with the doors in the right place you can easily and comfortably watch my giant TV in the living room. Yes, that’s how small Man Pit is.
The red is my bed, shot takem from big TV
So you may think me an idiot for needing another TV. But here’s the thing, its all Foxtel’s fault. They called me up to see if I wanted a second box somewhere in the home. I explained that I only have a half-bedroom apartment so that would be quite ridiculous. But once I started thinking about it I could not stop. Is it really such a ridiculous idea? I became obsessed…

Imagine how much fun you could have with two TV’s going at once. I could literally double my viewing. To me it sounds genius. And the most brilliant thing is that at Good Guys you can get ANYTHING so for the bargain price of $180 I got myself a little TV.

I now have both going at all times.

I have never been happier.
My big TV, I love it like a brother.
But I do draw the line at getting a second Foxtel box, even to me that’s bordering on craziness. I actually think it would send me insane. I’d end up a nervous wreck just trying to keep up with my IQ programming. I’d end up watching 8 Law & Orders a night instead of just 4.

I mean of all people I know where to draw the line.

Man Pit is clean! And you can see two TV’s from my bed. Thank you Good Guys for making my world complete.

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