Sunday, March 6, 2011

My flawless Hangover Management Plan!

Hangovers are an absolute bitch! And the older you get the worse they get. Incontinence and shocking hangovers are you’ve got to long forward to in old age.

Today is gonna be a rough day for a lot of Sydney-siders – more so than your usual Sunday. Massive Mardi Gras party last night and for those who actually made it home and into bed, waking up today is going to be like 1000 stab wounds to the head.

Hangovers are foul! It’s the bodies way of punishing us for having too good a time. Why alcohol so pleasurable but is so poisonous is one of life’s great ironies. If it is so bad for us as to deserve a hangover then why do we get such enjoyment from its consumption? Surely if the body knows its gonna hurt you it would reject it at the point of consumption, not 12 hours later. I think is not very smart of the body and certainly one of its design flaws.
The cause!
And in my professional opinion, there is no logic to how big or dramatic your hangover is. Sometimes it seems 4 vodka’s has the same impact as 400. What I do know is that shots are the devil’s work and they are sure to create great pain the next day, and also that any ‘fast’ drinking makes me much, much worse. Slow and steady wins the race when it comes to managing your hangover. But hey, that’s not rocket science now is it.

Now I am a man of a certain age with many years of experience under my belt so I have fine-tuned my physical and mental preperation for the hangover. I’ve got my little routines now that I am sure ease some of the pain. I’m going to share them with you and I want to hear yours! Between all of us I think we can design the perfect hangover cure! That is the challenge I want us to set ourselves today.

Now I am an anal retentive freak at the best of times so for me my Hangover Management Plan has 4 distinct phases. Before, Bedtime, Morning and Recovery.

Phase 1: Before
Nurofen Plus is a must – stop the headache before it even starts. Multi-vitamins and Vitamin B so that you are at capacity from the outset. I have a rather delicate stomach so always have 2 Zantac to keep everything on the inside. And I always have to eat! ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL. If I have any volume of martini’s on an empty stomach not only do I become spastic in record time I literally am hunched over the toilet for all of next day.
'Before' Kit
Phase 2: Bedtime
Got to have some protein. Even if its just some nuts. Gotta have the protein before you take the pills. It’s why a late night Olympic Yeeros stop is actually brilliant for you despite the 2000 calories. The grease is good too. So after the protein I pop a couple of Nurofen Plus with the added boost of some Panadol, combined codeine and aspirin are a dead-set winner. Some multi’s can’’t hurt, but vital is the thorough brushing of the teeth. If you wake up with a dead cat in your mouth you automatically feel 10 times worse.

Phase 3: Morning
Water, water, water! Like I said, this ain’t rocket science. This is also where the nuts come in handy cause they are easy on the stomach and mean that your pills are digested properly. Pain-killers as required. The other important this for the morning is to have cancelled all engagements. If your night has taken you by surprise than do it by text when you are stumbling home drunk. Nothing worse than waking up knowing that you’ve got something on and have to actually get out of bed and string a sentence together.

Phase 4: Recovery
This phase is all about having a well-stocked fridge so that you don’t have to leave your house. Now this takes some forward-planning. Me I like to have some ice cold Powerade’s in the fridge and some oven chicken and chips in the freezer. Body will be aching for KFC (world’s best restaurant!) but it’s always too hard to get to one. Chocolate is a must, as is Diet Coke. Whatever it is that you love. If you are like my dear friend Miss Melbourne it is flavoured milk and BBQ chips.
'Recovery' Kit
Of course the logical thing would be to not drink so much in the first place, but at 38 I still haven’t mastered that. The big nights are getting less and less frequent but still every now and then you need to go a little bit crazy, I’m blaming human nature. But with my well-mastered and scientifically tested Hangover Management Plan I can make the next day bearable.

Only just.

Now I am desperate to hear your hangover tips? What do you do to make the day after easier? How can I improve my plan?

Let me know!

Thanks, xoxo St. Murphy


8 comments:

Erin said...

Great post.... Hot salty chips and gravey always work well for me and my husband eats zooper doopers all day.

Bec said...

Great post - my, you are well prepared! Good little boy scout!
Personally, I swear by a piece of bread and Olympic swimming pool-sized glass/vat of water prior to going to bed. Carbs + liquid health = hangover free the next day!

Jo said...

I always, always have something with chilli in it the next day - opens the capillaries, slaps you in the face, and makes you look well'ard.

Sarah Lang said...

Mineral water and bananas help the recovery process but it's ice-cream all day long for me. Especially Jock's Hokey Pokey. The frantic search for the secret rivers of goey caramel toffee and hidden pockets of honeycomb provide enough brain stimulation to prevent one from slipping into a coma.

Mrs Woog said...

IV saline hook up. I know a nurse who does this.

Hamish von Trapp said...

2xPanadeine Forte, Berocca & Hairy Lemon, Stemetil, Nexium and loads of Coke.

Nicstar said...

Watermelon gatorade for as soon as I get home, then throught the night should I wake.

I don't Usually drink sugary drinks, but at hangover time its got to be 1.25L of full strength coke. And left over spag bol. I always have spaghetti bolognaise in the freezer and the day of the drinking session I pull it out of the freezer into the fridge to defrost. I've got it timed perfectly now so when I wake up, I shove it in the microwave and have exactly enough time to pour a coke, check for any late txts that have come through after I pased out, and DING food is ready.

I also have allens snakes beside my bed just incase I can't do proper food or get out of bed but am desperate for a sugar fix.

And the couch. I cannot recover in bed. I have to move to the couch with the tv on and sleep it off there.

Punctuated with texts to all my friends who were out with me about how crap we all feel and how about that guy that thought he was going home with such and such,and rememeber how whatshername fell over on the dance floor, etc etc.

If the spag bol doesn't do the trick, I have to order pizza and garlic bread. Vegetarian pizza, not sure why but it always helps.

I don't usually get headaches so no pain relief required... lol

The Little White T said...

Hey Sweetie, you forgot the Kebab! If you munch down one very large lamb sandwich before retiring to bed, you will wake up feeling no effects of a hangover.
xx

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