Friday, March 25, 2011

The Congregation of the Gayers!

The Westboro Baptist Church makes my skin crawl and vomit rise in my throat!

They are vile, vile people who hate everyone and anyone. In particular the gayers.

They were in the news again yesterday because they announced they will be protesting at Elizabeth Taylor’s funeral. They are picketing it because Dame Elizabeth had gay friends and raised money for AIDS research. See, the Westboro Baptist Church wishes death upon all gayers and that AIDS is Gods answer to homosexuals; such a smart, open, accepting, moderate religion.
But they seem to get huge volumes of media attention, mostly because they picket at so many events, all of them controversial. Their favourite is to disrupt a funeral! Thos could be the funerals of soldiers, gays or anyone else they think can generate some attention for themselves. Like I said they are literally the devil incarnate.

I got all fired up over them again yesterday so decided to do some research! THEY ARE A CHURCH THAT HAS 71 MEMBERS!!!!!!! And most of them are from the one family!!!!  Most governing bodies in the US do not consider them a church but rather a ‘hate group’. A group of 71 deranged fanatical lunatics that aren’t considered an actual church generate all this media attention – it astounds me.

If the WBC can do it with 71members, so can I! I can beat that. I am starting my very own religion…

The Congregation of the Gayers!
Much celebrated Congregation icon.
At The Congregation of the Gayers there is no singing of hymns, we only do hims.

There will be no crucifix in The Congregation of the Gayers, we would much rather get nailed up the Cross.

Jesus walked on water. The Gayers have more class than that, we can walk on Vodka.

We have huge religious celebrations called Dance Parties where we celebrate diversity while wearing strange costumes and headgear (but with loads more colour than priests).
One of our Annual religious festivals
Our services will not be held at an ungodly hour on a Sunday morning, that’s not when we are at our best. Rather at 6pm on a Thursday just at the start of our weekend.

Don’t even ask what it means to drop to your knees in The Congregation of the Gayers.

The traditional role of the Tabernacle Choir will be performed by the Nab-your-tackle Choir.

Our 12 Disciples are Tom Ford, Madonna, Cher, Kylie, BMW, AussieBums, DNA, Fitness First, Louis Vuitton, Tamarama, Arq and Grey Goose.
A prominent and much-loved disciple
We do not send the young to Sunday School, we send them to a clearance sale at Industrie.

But of course, conception would be an IMMACULATE COLLECTION! (and you had better have got that Madonna reference or we can no longer be friends)

But most importantly…

The Congregation of the Gayers believes that love is love, doesn’t matter between who. Diversity makes the world go round. All couples are recognised and celebrated in our congregation.

Take that you Westboro Baptist Church bitches! My new religion shits all over yours!

And I bet I can find more the 71 members.

**Special thanks to @JoThornely for her divine inspiration and knowledge of dirty-talk used in this piece.


Anonymous said...

Laughed out loud and then read it to Pan who thinks you are brilliant! Count us in! xx

Lady Brendan said...

Where do I sign up?

Anonymous said...

Count me in! Are children allowed? My whole family may want to join.
Carmela xx

Jo said...

I'm in, but only because The Congregation Of The Gayers has the good puns.
And buns.

Rick M said...

That is awesome. We also get to eat the body of 'Christ' or somebody hot right?

Brenda said...

I'm in!

ElleEmGee said...

Your post has made my day.
Count me in!

Bec said...

Hahaha, awesome "get nailed up the Cross"

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