Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Introducing my children Jackson and Sam

I have two children and I thought it was about time they were formally introduced. They are the most beautiful, adorable children in the world and you are going to be so jealous of how handsome my offspring are!!!

Jackson and Sam
Very proud to introduce Jackson and Sam! Its so true that dogs are the gay children. These two are proof of that. They have pride of place in our lives and are showered with so much love and attention it is sickening to others. They sleep in bed with their Daddies, we spend more on their haircuts than we do our own. They have their own Nanny who writes us report cards on them every time they stay. They wear matching pink collars because they are homosexual dogs.

We even bought them a house so that they had a backyard. Bad news for us is they never use it cause they just sit at the front window all day waiting for someone to come home. They do not play well with other dogs, couldn’t care for them less. We think this is because they believe they are human. They both crave and demand so much attention. They are walked at east twice a day and eat anything they can get their little paws on. They are the most beautiful sons a man could have.
Where they sit all day waiting for someone to come home.
Now exBoyfriend has had Jackson since he was a pup and I’ve been step-dad for the last 6 years. He is a 7+yo Cocker-Spaniel. If Jackson was human he’d be a cute, fun lifeguard at Boy Charlton Pool. He has got so much personality and character. He literally follows me every step I walk around the house. He LOVES watching Law & Order with me. He sleeps above my head in bed. Yes, we share the same pillow. Before I met Jackson I hated pets, and the thought of having a dog in your bed was repulsive. Now I miss him terribly if he’s not there. Only once has he got angry, and that was at my North Shore Princess. She flashed her boobs and Jackson got scared and bit her face. Told you he was gay.
Jackson needed a make-over before this photoshoot
We’ve only had Sam for two years and he is an 8+yo King Charles Cavalier. We ‘rescued’ him from our beloved Turner/Hollands who didn’t even allow him inside let alone in their beds. People from the country are weird like that. Sam is the ultimate lapdog. He is also possibly the laziest dog you’ve ever met. He snores like a chainsaw, on bad nights he’s banished to downstairs. He’s also a bit of a tart. He will go to anyone who shows him affection. ANYONE! If he were human we think he would be a distinguished food critic for the SMH cause all he is interested in is eating. And he farts a lot. He’s an old soul Sam, as cute as hell and can melt you with those eyes.
Jackson and Sam have been brothers for two years and still you could hardly call them friends. They still compete for their Daddy’s attention all the time. If one is being patted then the other one jumps in. Sam does follow Jackson a little bit but I think that’s just because he’s too lazy to lead. Neither of them are particularly intelligent, they cruise through life trading on their looks rather than their brains. They are Supermodels in that respect.
They fight for your scratches.
For someone who hated dogs I’ve done a complete backflip over these boys. Couldn’t live without them. Regular readers will be wondering what will happen with them now? Well exBoyrfriend and I will be timesharing them depending on our diaries, with Sam predominantly with me and Jackson with exBoyfriend. We know for sure that they won’t care that they are apart but it’s crucial to both Daddies that we still have each boy in our life. Just as you would expect with children.
Both of them under the table at my feet while I write this about them. Melting...


Ms Styling You said...

awww, too bloody cute x

Amy McCarthy said...

Oh I hear ya sista! I too have done a 180 on the dog love..I love my little Jimmy so much I fear I will not be able to have a human child cause I couldn't love it as much.
Not sorry.

Mrs Woog said...

I am glad you are able to sort out the custody issue. Remind me to never flash my boobies at them either xo

Anonymous said...

He wasn't rescued...... we felt sorry for Jackson because he needed a brother. Country people are compassionate.
Sam was a very busy country dog.... there was never a bird, lizard or butterfly in sight while he was on patrol!!! LOL. Sam loves his two fathers. Maybe it's because he is spoiled rotten. But of course..... that is what children are meant to be. And his relationship with Jackson.... it's just like the two boys I live with. x x x

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