Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Wine is the Devil's work!

I hate wine!

Hate the smell. Hate the taste. Hate everything.

I have a very unnatural, deep-seeded repulsion by all things wine related.


Even as an incredibly poor Uni student I couldn’t stomach it. Tried to mask the taste with equal parts red cordial and still couldn’t drink it.

My family are big wine drinkers so it has always been around me but from a very young age I’ve felt this way. It’s almost phobia-like. I’m the only one of my family and friends who doesn’t drink it so I stand out like dogs balls at EVERY social event I go to. If exBoyfriend had even had just one glass I’d kept a one meter distance as a minimum between us.
I had drinks earlier this week with Lady Marmalade (the reason for no post on Monday!), she’s Melbourne royalty. Not only does she work in the wine industry but she is also a passionate consumer of wine. As much as I am disgusted by wine, she is disgusted by my lack of interest. She has made it her mission to bring me around to the dark side but I will not fold. She’s always pushing on me the latest and best Peeno Grit or Savlon Blank like a crack dealer. Lady Marmalade, I fear I will disappoint you for the rest of our lives together as I will never be a wine drinker. I love you but not your vino.

I have to admit dinner parties are difficult for me. While other guests casually stroll in with a lovely bottle of red, I walk in with a bottle of Absolut and 2 bottles of Diet Coke. So not as glamorous I’m the first to admit. It also creates the impression that I am a hardcore alcoholic, which of course I am. Can not tell you how many times I’ve had to try and explain why I don’t drink wine, with some peoples reactions you would think I was explaining my leprosy.


Weddings, functions, parties, etc are also always difficult. Most people presume that everyone drinks either wine or beer. For me, I don’t drink either, so am forced to either travel with a hip flask or suffer sober.  My worst nightmare is a social event that serves only beer or wine AND has no cash bar. There is nothing worse than trying to relax and have a good time at an event where everyone is slowly but surely getting drunk and all I’ve got in my glass is orange juice.

So I just needed to get that off my chest. Wine is the devil. And for all of you wine drinkers, think of those who aren’t. We have feelings to you know.

Thank god I love vodka like it was my first-born.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

You hate my life's work and passion, your dead to me. Xoxo
Cousin T

Teen said...

well, I never....(she says sipping a glass of red).

Anonymous said...

One day you will be mine!!
Lady Marmalade xxx

Ms Styling You said...

You'd be great at a wedding ... more for the rest of us!

Anonymous said...

you sinner, you come from one of Australia's biggest wine producing areas, shame on you Steve

Nicstar said...

you always seem to write things that relate to something I have just gone through or about to go through- wedding I went to on the weekend was a cashless bar serving only beer or champagne (lucky I drink both). However, bridesmaid number 1 doesn't drink either, and bride also prefers vodka, as do the rest of us if given a choice, so we were ever so pleased to see bride's dad smuggling in a bottle of vodka for us, pre-arranged by the bridesmaid. Sweeeeeet!

No, after countless endless glasses of champagne and several beers, I was NOT seen shotting glasses of vodka and pineapple with the bridal party! ;)

P.S. you'd be right at my place, there is always vodka floating around somewhere...

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