The Rules of Man Pit

Now I’ve affectionately named my new pad the Man Pit. It's stuck, I love it, I’m gonna keep using it. The reason I’m calling it the Man Pit is that I’ve set about decorating it so that it is age-appropriate and hopefully suggests I’ve got my shit together. I’m not a 26 year old tv publicist anymore (…hang on???), rather a man of a certain age who knows what he’s about. And I wanted it to be more butch, Masters student rather than my usual 14yo schoolgirl routine.

So that I maintain this new persona for me and my pad I’ve had to lay down some ground rules. They are mostly for myself but some are appropriate for my friends and family who’ll visit me here. Now that I’m being a big brave boy and standing on my own two feet I think rules are important. Also, living with a partner is all about compromise, which is a beautiful thing when you're in love. Now that I’m on my own I’m loving putting my own big stamp on everything! Here are the Rules!

The couch is for watching television. The Man Chair is for the reading of books and looking intellectual.

Clinique Mens products only for the skin. A man of a certain age needs to take care, only a few good years left in me before the necessary facelift.

No vegetarians allowed! I eat red meat in two out of three meals a day. I’m a country gay bogan and loves me some red meat.

Tracksuit or ‘comfy’ pants are only allowed on recovery days, and definitely never in front of guests. A recovery day is the distinguished way of saying ‘hungover stuck on the couch holding your head in pain’.

Cigerettes to be smoked on the balcony. Only cigars can be smoked inside and even then only when sitting in the Man Chair (btw, never had a cigar in my life but feel I need one in this chair).

If the freezer is full and room needs to be made than you take out the BirdsEye frozen peas, NEVER the vodka.

No scales allowed. The mirror and my skinny jeans are enough to tell me I am expanding like a Sumo wrestler.

Clean as you go! My natural tendency is to live like a Uni student, not gonna happen at Man Pit.

Only crime shows – all Law & Orders, Criminal Minds, NCIS Los Angeles, etc – can be recorded on the Foxtel IQ. Nothing from the MTV channel will be recorded. EVER!

Please note L&O on the big screen

There is a colour palette that must be adhered too – silver, blue, black, brown and white. Unless of course its one of my themed weeks -  Xmas, Mardi Gras, my birthday and Sleaze Ball.

No burning your dinner. Having your bed so close to the kitchen makes your sheets smell like steak.

There is a loose shelf-ordering system for the bookcase – gay lit, crime and classics, favourites and texts. Books make you look smart, they make up for my wardrobe.

Accessories have their own drawers in the wardrobe. Scarves, hats, sunglasses, redundant sports gear all have their own drawer.

Remote controls left on coffee table at all times. Simple really. Nothing worse than having to walk 3metres to pick up the remote.


Only white crockery. Not sure why this is a rule but it looks better on the exposed shelves. Cleanliness is next to godliness.

Over & out.

To be advised: I need something for the walls that suggests I know something about art. Even happy for a splash of colour. If anyone has any advice it will be happily taken.

In good news: I got my mojo back this week! After two months of being weird and intolerable, yesterday I felt like my old self again for the first time. Phew!