ROADTRIP: Priscilla Queen of Cobar

I love airports and I love planes! I've packed up my Clinique Men's range, headband and a suitcase of accessories and I'm heading 800km west of the Ghetto. But I always get a little nervous when you have to walk across the tarmac to get to your seat. Never a good sign…

Truth be known, I was asleep before take-off so the size of the plane was hardly a concern. I was off on a little jet plane to Dubbo for the first leg of my journey out west for Bro’s wedding. This first leg was the easy part, slept like a baby, the second part was a little more difficult but so much more interesting.

Picked up my hire car and my first Red Bull at Dubbo airport. Chookas to the lovely Budget Car woman who remembered me from last time. She is so sweet, and it was her wedding anniversary so extra love her way. And as she did for me last time, she wrote down the order of the towns that I had to drive through. Most important of the directions is the road selection at Nyngan – “veer left not right or you’ll end up in Bourke. This is not good.”

My 'virgin' beast!

So with the very handy list from Budget Lady I was off in my Hyundai i30, it had a grand total 36km on it so I’ve broken that baby in. I didn’t make it far before I needed a snack. Picked up a heavenly Chiko Role in Trangie as well as my second Red Bull. It’s 10.30am. Nothing like a hearty, well-balanced breakfast to start your day.

Now just before you hit Nyngan there is a gigantic sign welcoming you to the Bogan Shire – you can imagine how welcome that made me feel. I think I should have been born here! I am a very proud bogan, bogan to the core, and the gayest bogan of the bogan gays. I feel this is my homeland here in Bogan Shire. SO wish I had of got a pic of it. Stopped in Nyngan for more food and Red Bull, starting to see a pattern here??? I stop at the same place each time cause they have this gorgeous, quirky and slightly weird knick-knack collection on display….

Now after Nyngan the road gets even straighter and flatter (if that’s possible) and you lose all radio contact. Popped on my iPod, pre-charged and stocked in preperation. Did some BRILLIANT car-singing, some of my best ever! It was Whitney Houston’s Bodyguard soundtrack. Now seriously, at her peak the now crack-riddled Whitney was a genius! GENIUS! I’m Every Woman, Run To You, I Will Always Love You and Queen of the Night – I hit every note + plus key changes! I was successfully channelling Delta Goodrem.

No one can hear me out here!

Now on this long straight road where it seems you can travel at the speed of light, they seemed to have whacked up some stop lights for no apparent reason. Sat here on red for 5 minutes. Not really sure what I’d stopped for, but a red light is a red light. Go figure.

I had earlier bumped into a bikie gang at the Nyngan bakery. As always when I see/smell bikies it’s a strange mix of fear and arousal. They overtook my on the open road which had elements of Jodie Foster in The Accused. I tried to get a pic of them passing me, god only knows why. Probably should have been focused on not hitting them.

I had one more brief stop for a ciggie and then hit fabulous Cobar! For such a remote place, this place ROCKS! I always have a ball here. Those miners know how to enjoy themselves when they are above ground. Drinking here is something very different to home. Oxford St is a poor training ground for Cobar. I will give it my best this weekend though, my Bro deserves nothing less.

Priscilla Queen of Cobar has Arrived!