Monday, August 8, 2011

Why dogs are better than boyfriends.

I’m a dog man! I have one, Little Sammy, and am step-father to another, Jackson. Yes, we are bad parents and we separated the children during the divorce.

I got the more delicate, lazy, sloth-like one and Aschapelle got the more active, bubbly, athletic one – so indicative of our personalities!
Little Sammy and Jackson
Anyways, the reason I am thinking about my boys today is that Aschapelle has fled the country for busy, important work in far-off lands so Jackson has come to stay with Little Sammy and I for the next few weeks. And no, I have not got a bigger apartment, Man Pit is still only a half-bedroom in size. It’s very crowded with the three of us let me assure you.

But I love it and wouldn’t have it any other way. When you are single everyone always asks you are you looking love or is there anyone special. Yes there is, two in fact, and they are a King Charles Cavalier and a Cocker Spaniel. I am not looking for a boyrfriend, I don't think I need a boyfriend, and certainly not while I have my boys. They are the best, most loyal company in the world. They adore me and I do so very little to deserve this adoration. And they distract me endlessly.
Little Sammy sleeping on our lounge
On top of that, and in the most practical of terms, I have a whole list of reasons why dogs are better than finding a new boyfriend...

- When you drop food on the floor they rush to clean it up for you.

- They spoon with you anytime you like.

- If you want to distract them you just throw them a snack.

- Their bad breathe is kinda endearing rather than revolting.
Jackson loves Macca's just like his Daddy
- You can kick them out of bed anytime you like.

- Obviously, there is no back-chat and I always get the final say.

- I can have other men over and they don’t get jealous or mind being locked out on the balcony.

- Their dinner costs only $2.50.

- They don’t use up any space in the wardrobe or the bathroom cabinet.
So fucking adorable!
- They can’t use the remote.

- They fart less.           

- I never catch them wearing my clothes.

- When I get home from work I don’t have to hear about their day.
Just some sun-baking at Man Pit
- They can't see what I'm up to on Twitter or Facebook.

- We’re never ever gonna have an embarrassing moment when we run into each other on Grindr. Grindr doesn’t allow dogs.

- I only have to make sure they’ve showered every month or so.
He can sniff out anything...
To be fair, there are some things that boyfriends are better at, but only 3 things…

1. I’ve never had to pick up a boyfriends poo in the park.

2. I’ve never had a boyfriend piss on my carpet.

3. Despite what some NRL players think, boyfriends are always better to get nudie-rudie with.
Blonde bombshell!

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