Saturday, August 20, 2011

Shit my pants!

So I’m sitting on a very small plane. We’re flying high above regional NSW. At any moment I could shit my pants.

I think this is the world’s smallest plane to ever take off from Mascot. Seriously, it is less than 2 metres wide. I am practically a midget but I can still reach out and touch the wall on the other side of the plane.

Every slight bump to me feels like we are tumbling out of the sky smack-bang into Dubbo or Parkes. The pilot seems a lovely chap, all four of us passengers have met him. He spoke to us on the mini-bus on the tarmac, yes a mini-bus shuttled us to our very small plane.

The pilot was also the one who handed us our in-flight snacks as we got on. He had an esky besides the stairs up in to the plane . God I wish I had got a photo of that. No one will ever believe me.
Snack from the esky.
Normally I absolutely love flying. In fact this is the first time I can remember since a Griffith to Sydney flight in ’88 that I have been petrified. In ’88 it was because of a ferocious storm. No storm today, just a very small plane.

Back to the snacks. I’d eaten them before I’d even put my belt on.
Laptop on lap cause there's no tray...
We’ve been flying now for about 40mins and I may lose circulation in my legs cause I have the belt so tight. Wouldn’t it be funny if I survived the flight but than fell down the plane’s small stairs cause I’d lost feeling in my legs.

Fuck. My stomach and heart just literally fell out. I swear we just plummeted 50m. Well, it certainly felt like it and I ain’t no drama queen.

Please please please let me survive!
Run to the light...
I have to admit though I have the best seat in the house. I am in the 10th and final row and definitely have more leg room than all the other rows. Comes from a finely tuned, highly skilled flirting technique I’ve developed over the years for all ground staff. The poor guy in front of me, a big burly miner, has his knees up round his ears. It would be less claustrophobic for him underground where he works.

You know this thing flies by two mall propellers and nothing else. The lovely pilot just advised us we are well ahead of schedule – thank god! – cause of ‘a very lovely tail wind’. One mans tail wind is another mans death wish.
See how how short the wing is!
I’m off to Cobar to see my Bro, Sis-in-law and my beautiful nieces and nephew. It’s my nieces 1st birthday and Uncle St. Murphy wants to shower her with some love. Been to Cobar many times in the last few years but have always driven – a bit like Priscilla Queen of the Desert. This trip is a quick weekender so time is money, money is time.

Instead of 8 hours in the car each way its only 90 mins in a very small plane. I question now, as I brace myself for what can only be a horrific landing, if I’ve made the right decision.

What I didn’t factor in was the cost of new undies and jeans after I shit myself from fear in the very small plane.

Thank god I have something to look forward to on landing!
Cobar airport, landed safely...

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