Friday, July 1, 2011

A judgemental bitch.

I am trying not be a judgemental bitch in 2011.

Or as self-absorbed.

Or as self-indulgent.

Truth be known, I’m doing much better on the first one then the other two (as this blog clearly demonstrates).

I had two posts to write today but I realised they were actually quite similar so I’ve decided to combine them and give them a theme… don’t be a judgemental bitch St. Murphy!

Tale No. 1…

So through my lovely employer we work with some fantastic charities that do the most phenomenal work with the disadvantaged and those less fortunate than judgemental bitches like me. Got the chance to spend some time with some high school students yesterday who had all been dealt some rough blows in life. I don’t know the details and I don’t need to. The reason why we went to spend time with them was just so we could tell stories about how we came to do what we do and, hopefully, provide some motivation and knowledge.

Ok, so my school was hardly the place of angels. And lessons learnt in your teens can haunt you forever. I have to admit, and you can judge me, when I first met these kids I had flashbacks to awful incidents at school, and was suddenly nervous. But for fucks sake I’m an adult now! Sat down with these kids and the floodgates opened and the conversation rolled. Some couldn’t have cared less, as you would expect, others were completely intrigued and were loaded with smart, insightful questions. 

So clichéd but I’m not sure who got the most out of it, us or the students. I’m pretty sure it was us. Surely at my age I should know to not judge a book by its cover. It was an absolute pleasure today spending time with these students. And the circumstances they are overcoming to make a better life for themselves would cripple most, including me!

Tale No. 2…

Probably going to talk in wide-sweeping generalized statements here that have the potential to offend. That is certainly not my intention, rather to show my own ignorance.

I have always been quick to judge couples that are an older man with a younger Asian man or woman. I’ve felt that there are elements of power and subservience there that make me really uncomfortable. Wide-sweeping judgement is the worst and I am as guilty as anyone. A couple of things happened the last few weeks that makes me think these are much more complex relationships than my shallowness allowed me to understand.

I kinda get that after years of loneliness that you would seek out company and intimacy. Being the self-indulgent, self-obsessed person I am I’d never really come to consider this could be a motivation. Also having spent time in a poverty-riddled city, I can comprehend how you would consider all options to escape that life. Who doesn’t want greater comfort and a better standard of living? God knows I still want for more when I have pretty much everything. If two people can come together and meet the required needs of each other than who the hell am I to judge?

At breakfast one day while on holidays, there was a gay couple beside me who had an obvious age and cultural difference. Their banter and plan-making clearly showed they were in a relationship of complete equality, just as any of mine have been.  Felt like a bit of an idiot that I could have thought they were anything else. Now I’m not completely stupid to suggest that all such relationships are equal like these guys, but I am saying that I won’t be so quick to judge them like I have the rest of my adult years. What ever the motivation for your relationship, as long as it’s a level playing field, I wish you every happiness.


And after the last few days I would completely understand if you started thinking I’m reading too many self-help books. Trust me, I’m reading none. Lets blame middle-age. I don’t know what’s come over me but be assured I’ll be back to my self-obsessed, self-indulgent self as soon as possible.

What I am reading is Julian Fellowes, thanks to Arrjaydub, that will be a post next week. I’m desperate to live amongst London’s aristocracy and I need to tell you why…


neilsgardiner said...

"If two people can come together and meet the required needs of each other than who the hell am I to judge?"


I must admit, I've been guilty of this as well, but I've had the same thought lately.

People seem to forget that what works for other people night not work for them, and that's for them to deal with no one else.

Good on two people who can make it work and find happiness.

Ms Styling You said...

Ditto with you and Neil. My husband is 11 years younger than me (yep cue every Cougar joke) but the thing is we're not together because of or despite our age difference. We're together because there were sparks nine years ago and there are still sparks today. In my mind I'm more his age - denial is such a lovely state of mind.

Mrs Woog said...

A bit of a stop, pause and rewind is good for the soul St Murphy. xx

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