Friday, July 29, 2011

May I present... Lord St. Murphy

Drop to your knees and praise the Lord. And by ‘the Lord’ I mean…

Lord St. Murphy

Yes, that is correct. I am now a Lord and I have the paperwork to prove it.

Oh the power! Oh the prestige! I am now officially an Aristocrat and I expect to be treated accordingly.

I will not be answering to any commoner who does not use my correct title, Lord.

I will not be dressing myself anymore as I will have a Valet.

I now change into a dinner suit for my evening meal.

I have a driver.

These are all things that automatically come with being a Lord.

It feels like only yesterday that I was a commoner-bogan like you, but now I live amongst the dizzying heights of the social elite – and it feels GOOOOOOOOD!!

How did this happen I hear you ask, how did you jump so many social classes in one giant leap St. Murphy? Cause I am clever and I have a clever friend. His name is Lord Sleemol.

Even has a big red wax stamp so it must be official!
See, I too dreamt of being a Lord while watching the divine series Downton Abbey. In a previous life I 100% guarantee you that I was the Lord of Downton (or some other equally grand estate). I feel it in my bones that this was ‘my time’, my spiritual home! But I needed more than this feeling to validate my existence as a Lord – I needed a piece of paper.

Lord Sleemol understood exactly how I felt, and he was on exactly the same page. If you ever meet Lord Sleemol you would immediately understand that he too was born to be a Lord. Lord Sleemol, being the clever little fella he is, found a website where for the bargain price of $50 you can buy yourself the title!

Voila!

A quick swipe of our credit cards and now we are Lord St. Murphy and Lord Sleemol.
Our Lord packs arrived in the mail this week, and look, here is the plot of land that I now own in Scotland that makes me a Lord. Who can argue with that? I have it on a piece of paper for god’s sake!

Now Lord Sleemol and I often travel interstate so that we can hang out together and be ‘Lordy’; his empire is in Queensland, mine is in NSW. Be sure to stay tuned for ‘The Adventures of the Lords’ as they will be tales you will want to tell your grandchildren. We are the stuff of legends! And so Aristocratic!

Now be sure to address us correctly and drop to your knees, its Lord St. Murphy and Lord Sleemol.
See, it even came from Glasgow!

4 comments:

sleemol said...

I can't imagine sharing this noble experience with anyone else! I'm donning my bonnet as I type this, ready for a day of swanning through a city garden with a dashing companion at my side and a satin umbrella on my arm.

Jo said...

You know I'm a Scottish Lady by a similar process, right? I'M A FRIGGIN' LADY.

neilsgardiner said...

You took a demotion from Queen? :P

Madam Bipolar said...

It is all very Downton Abbey.

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