Sunday, May 8, 2011

Things that I love but don’t get enough of!

Oscars. I find it real odd that I haven’t won one yet. It’s somewhat of a travesty that the Academy has overlooked me all these years.
Musk Sticks. You can’t get the good ones anywhere. There’s a place on Cleveland St and that’s about it. Supermarkets are hopeless, they package them with those awful rip-offs, the yellow and the green.

Gay romantic comedies. They literally do not exist, or are so appalling even I can’t shed a tear.

Mail. I never get anything in the mail except bills, catalogues and menu’s. I miss letters.

Happy Pants. I don’t care what anyone says, they would have to be the most comfortable fashion that there has ever been.
I still have a pair...
Shoulder-rubs. Wouldn’t it be great if people just walked around giving shoulder rubs, would make the day so much more pleasant.

Paparazzi. They never follow me. They don’t stake out my balcony for a nudie shot. Why aren’t I prized by the paps? Is it cause I’m not famous?

Weight-loss. I just don’t get enough of it. Why doesn’t weight-loss come to you instead of you having to go find it?

Green lights. I hate red, despise orange.

Olympics. Ludicrous that they only get their act together every 4 years. What are the hot swimmers doing the rest of the time? They should be annually at least.

Botox. I just wish my face was crinkle free and immobile. I wouldn’t mind looking like a statue or Courtney Cox at all.

Head massages. Especially at the hair-dressers. They should be a minimum of 45mins with unnecessary pressure.

Compliments. I am never stopped in the street.

Twitter. Yes, yes I know – how could I possibly suggest I don’t get enough Twitter. You can never have too much Twitter.

Glitter. Everything should sparkle.

A new Madonna album. No explanation required – she is my personal guru and her lyrics get me through any crisis.

Royal Weddings. C’mon Harry, hurry up and propose to either me or James Middleton!

Hot boys hitting on me. Why can’t they see my inner beauty?

Hang-over-free vodka. That would just make life so much more pleasurable.

Winter. 9 months are wasted.

Steak Dianne. Mmmmmmm… what donuts are to Homer.

Openly gay politicians. I’d love to be able to vote for someone who’s had the same life experiences as me. Including The Shift in the 90’s.



Mrs Woog said...

I love you StMurphy. You is funny xx

Hear Mum Roar said...

I didn't like winter until we moved out here in the sticks. Now I love it, because there's no snakes.

I'm a massage therapist from waay back! I've made a point of teaching my man how to give massages on cue. Very handy.

I love getting things in the mail too! Good list.

Bernadette said...

Oh Steak Dianne. We had a friend who used to order it at restaurants as steak Deearnne for realz. What a wanker. Bern xx

Etoile Filante said...

I agree with all - except the steak, being a vegetarian!

KayLee Aaah said...

I DO have an Oscar- unfortunately the Academy was based of Psychiatrists, and I won it for a psychotic performance.

Don't tell me the one's in Cole's aren't pink!- My colour blindness has ruined life again....

From personal experience, most gay romances are in fact tragedies (Mine anyway)

Send a letter, you may receive!!

Happier still, get into someone else's Happy Pants!!

Sounds like the beginning of world peace (shoulder-rubs)

These days, it 'cause you're not infamous

Weight-loss came to me, and now I can't get off the toilet.

Lights are different colours?

It takes longer than a year to come up with new methods of performance enhancement.

Botox is unnecessary! Simply stop all emotive expression- facial freeze..

Unnecessary pressure to the massager or your head?

They keep ON stopping me in the street...I find it uncomplimentary...

What's Twitter???

You ARE glitter, St P..

Madonna?..... Was she the one we worshiped before Gaga introduced us to Jesus Christ?

Marriage should be avoided. As said, it's so gay...

They are blinded by your outer glitter!

It exists!! You simply don't cease in its consumption...

You love that season!!!!!!

Are they little musk sticks on the steak?

You ARE open, indeed- I usually lie about The Shift AND the 90's

I hope you are quietly laughing within.....


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