Monday, May 30, 2011

A night out in the Inner West has left me scarred!

Yesterday’s post is probably my all-time favourite, today’s is a dog's breakfast!

How can I go from such a high to such a low? Well in between these two posts was JoThornely’s 40th Party and it has left me a shell of my former self.

But oh so much fun! Brilliant fun! Makes it all worth it (I think?). Including my new scar. But more about that later…

The night started with a world-first. Man Pit had its first actual man as a guest. A man’s man, a straight man. Mr and Mrs Woog came over for a pre-drink. Mr Woog is the absolute coolest straight man ever! Mrs Woog has done very well for herself landing that one. Had to bite my tongue though from asking him to carry out some manly tasks while at Man Pit like hanging some pictures and fixing the shower head. And as is the case whenever I have guests at Man Pit we ordered pizza’s – this time it was Pork Belly and Puttanesca. Slowly working my way through entire menu.
Mrs Woog enjoying The Bed of Man Pit 
So then we got out our passports and trekked all the way out to the Inner West for the par-tay!

It was just so lovely. Lovely to meet some of JoThornely’s friends who I’d heard so much about. So lovely to catch up with some workmates outside of the office. So lovely to finally meet Shellity. Strangely, JoThornely shares her birthday with her twin sister Shellity – go figure! So lovely to spend some time with the gorgeous MsCharlotteD and Arrjaydub, they 100% lead Mrs Woog and I astray. I’m sure they spiked our drinks with a Rohypnol or two.
MsCharlotteD and Mrs Woog
Now JoThornely and Shellity gave the most brilliant of 40th Birthday speeches. It was genius. They did it together and because they are both absolute masters of the English language it was a beautifully constructed, hilarious poem. As you do. They are very clever ladies, the audience loved it. Congrats guys, made the night.

Strangely I have no photos of the birthday girl, well that was a bit of an oversight! Such a shame cause she looked SMOKIN’ HOT!!! Smokin’! So instead you get me and MsD…

It soon came to that messy point in the night where we had to either stumble to a new venue or beg and whore ourselves on the street for a cab. Mrs Woog’s advice is always to leave when you’re having fun and never change venues. She took her own advice and after swaying our way up the street we bundled her in a cab, hiccupping. I was then taken under the wing of MsCharlotteD and Arrjaydub for some fun and frivolity at the Inner West’s finest gay establishment, The Imperial!

For some reason I always feel tall, young and attractive whenever I go to the Impie. They definitely breed them smaller out that way. MsCharlotteD towered over 90% of patrons, Arrjaydub not so much. And now a sentence I think I’ve only ever used twice before in my life… The drag shows were really good! It also helped that we almost won the meat raffle but instead scored some free passes. It’s the small things in life that give the greatest joy.
Arrjaydub and MsD
Then there was a dramatic turn of events. As I stumbled my way to the bathroom I took a headfirst fall into the wall and splayed myself on the bathroom floor. So dramatic! Thank god no one saw cause it was mortifying enough without anyone seeing. And thank god I was suitably lubricated or I would have burst into tears. Cracked my head open and at first I thought I was going to die from blood loss. After much pressed toilet paper it calmed right down. Thank god for the life saving MsCharlotteD and Arrjaydub who escorted me from the building with toilet paper stuck to my head and ensured I arrived home safely. Can not thank you guys enough! Loves you!

Woke up this morning, and I can confirm my modeling carrer is over due to my new hairline scar and my sporting career is over cause my knee is swollen like a rockmelon. Don’t you just love drunken injuries.

So to make myself feel better I ordered all this and layed on the couch for the ENTIRE day.
I love you Pizza Hut!
Thank you JoThornely, you are the hottest 40yo on the planet! Could bounce a coin on your arse and those guns rival Schwarzenegger.

1 comment:

shellity said...

You're too lovely. Hope you're healing.
Now what have we learned from this? Mmm? We've learned that if you try to improve upon a night out with Jo & Shelley, you will end up sore and bleeding.
But thanks for the mention, ay. You're right - I'm done good at teh England words.

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