I don't mix well with celebrities and alcohol.

I don’t have a very good track record of mixing celebrities and alcohol.

There was the incident at Mardi Gras quite a few years ago when I was the publicist for the broadcast. Spent the whole night working up the courage – and downing the vodka’s – to ask for a photo with Dannii Minogue and Lucy Lawless (Xena Warrior Princess) in the VIP area. Just as I was having a friend take the much-prized pic, out jumped a paparazzi and the resulting shot ran in the Sunday Telegraph and New Idea. I was mortified!

Found it on Google Image, too funny!

It was the first of many times that my boss hauled me into her office for the “the publicist is never the story” lecture.

It was also a dark night when I was chaperoning a very talented, very young, now international actor and I thought it was a good idea to take him to Arq. I lost him. There was another separate incident at Arq, in the DJ booth, but again that one will need to be legaled first and then only for my tell-all memoirs after I retire.

Then there was the time I ‘borrowed’ (some say stole) Delta Goodrem’s Logie and then danced around a Melbourne nightclub punching it in the air like it was mine. Congrats to me.

Yes, yes, its my very old Twitter pic.

This one doesn’t involve alcohol, but it is top of mind whenever I think of embarrassing celebrity moments. I accidentally bumped into/met Simon Baker one morning and I got so flustered by his sheer beauty that I dropped the stationary I was holding and then had this incredibly awkward moment as I stumbled around his knees to pick it up. 

Speaking of stumbling… Was once in a stairwell of some dirty Kings Cross nightclub staggering between floors with a double vodka in hand. I was able to open my eyes just enough to see Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman coming down the stairs. Freaked so much I tripped and almost spilt my drink! And trust me, I never spill my drink.

So you can imagine my fear when at a function this week my Plus 1 Lady Marmalade turned to me and said “I want my photo with him!”

She was referring to the breakout star of the brilliant new TV drama Killing Time, Richard Cawthorne. We were at cocktails after the premiere screening so we’d just been enthralled by this guy on the big screen for the last two hours. Now he was standing beside us - in the flesh. Too much! And too cute!

I tried to explain to Lady Marmalade that I wasn’t very good at this sort of thing, that it always leads to embarrassment. It’s the whole stopping of celebs and asking for a photo that makes me real uncomfortable. Lady Marmalade understood, I mean we are established career gals, confident, smart, we’ve got our shit together. We are well past being 14yo screaming schoolgirls at a Beiber concert.

But by now we were slightly socially lubricated, and Lady Marmalade started to share how she finds photo-bombing (or as she called it photo-blitzing) hilarious. Which gave us a brilliant idea. While we were too embarrassed to ask for a photo with him, there was nothing stopping us from getting a photo of Lady Marmalade and his back!

Can not tell you how funny we thought this was. We’d become fascinated by this actor so we loitered real close so that we could enjoy being in his presence without having to embarrass ourselves. Yes, slightly stalkerish! Then something weird happened that can only happen in a crowded room at a social function. The crowd just all of a sudden dispersed and left us standing face-to-face with said actor in an awkward silence.

Lady Marmalade covered well. “I just think you were fabulous! So fabulous. But I just heard that you get killed. Were your tattoo’s real? Can I have a photo?” I nearly choked. But hey, it’s a great shot. Certainly better than the one of his back.

Literally 20 seconds after this shot was taken he bolted. 

With such a great result we felt our confidence rise. Next on Lady Marmalade’s hit list was Vince Colosimo. Thankfully after a handful of canapés common sense and our dignity prevailed. So instead of asking for a fan shot with Vince we got one of his back instead.

That’s how we roll.

Lady Marmalade, I love you! You are fucking hilarious.