What do you call a gay cougar? A PANTHER!

I’m not exactly a spring chicken. I often joke that I am a middle-aged queen and refer to myself as ‘a man of a certain age’. To be specific, I’m 39 and now only a matter of months away from the big 4-0. I can not wait for this massive celebration and as a general rule I don’t think I have a problem with growing old (Botox helps!).

I think this is because I don’t think or feel like a 40 year old. I’ve always struggled with ‘maturity’, it doesn’t sit well with me. I behave like a child, I socialise like a teenager and I date like I’m in my early 20’s. Now this has become even more apparent in the last few months when I’ve got myself back on the singles scene. I spent most of my 30’s in a beautiful relationship and now that this has ended I think I’ve regressed in age.

Leader of the Pack: Demi

I may be 39 but I am back acting like someone a decade younger. And it seems my tastes haven’t evolved in that time either. I’ve caught myself a number of times recently ‘engaging’ with those much younger than me. There was one moment at Daywash on Big Gay Weekend when I found myself all animated in the middle of a circle of 22 year olds. I swear some of them weren’t even shaving yet. What could I possibly have in common with these boys?

You are right, absolutely nothing. 3GreggyD and The Sculptor airlifted me out.

I'd do anything Madonna does

But this has been happening a lot. To the point where it’s started to make me uncomfortable. Then suddenly the penny dropped.

I’ve become a gay cougar!

The term cougar has become a synonymous with modern-day dating and often used to mock. But I completely understand now. It was a lightbulb moment – I am a cougar! But I struggled to see myself in the image of the traditional cougar – I wear pants but no make-up – so I put the call out on Twitter. What do you call a gay cougar? The response was quick, dramatic and unanimous. A gay cougar is a…

…PANTHER!

How fucking cool is that! I’m a Panther and I couldn’t be more proud. I love that there is even a term for it. I should have known the gays would be all over this one. Oh the fun I am going to have now that I can legitimately call myself a Panther. They have sleek black coats, can move incredibly fast and pounce on their unsuspecting prey with stealth like precision. Kudos to me!

Calvin Klein and boyfriend

Before I lose myself in a sea of Panther jokes, I have to admit there is a more philosophical debate to be had around the existence of cougars and panthers. If you had of tried to explain this to me even 6 months ago I wouldn’t have understood, but now after a while doing the pub/bar/Grindr circuit I completely get it.

The dating scene is entirely dominated by the young. And by young I mean under 35. Boys in their 20’s are literally swarming everywhere. You can not buy a vodka, lime & soda or turn on your Grindr without them popping up everywhere like cockroaches. Now this is a brilliant thing if you too are in your 20s, if you are ‘a man of a certain age’ it really does narrow your focus.

Elton John and boyfriend

There just aren’t that many men of my age out and about – on the scene or online. Maybe they are all shacked up by now? Maybe they lost interest in the scene a long time ago? Maybe they have secret places they go to that I don’t know about yet? But I’ve been on a 7 year hiatus so I’m playing catch-up. I’ve got my training wheels on for sure but I’m yet to find a way to meet people that isn’t dominated by the young.

I have no choice but to become a panther!

Without getting all sociological on you arse, I can imagine it would be very similar for the cougars. If you want to meet someone, have some company, have some fun; then your options to mix with people of your own age are very limited. They are all off choosing their new home furnishings or planning couples weekends away. They are having dinner parties with old friends and going to school concerts.

Us panthers and cougars, well, we are out to get some action!

Karl Lagerfield and boyfriend

And the only other people out doing the same are the young. Age does have its advantages for the cougars and the panthers though. We’ve had many more years to fine-tune our wit, charm and intellect for the sole purpose of luring in our prey. They are putty in our hands when they come across our specilaised skill-set. Well, sometimes.

So today I’m all about empowering the panther and the cougar. Now that I understand this social group and recognize that I am part of it, I can completely appreciate and encourage our existence.

Besides, someone needs to be teaching the young how to do things properly.

No reason for this photo, just that its my favourite from the weekend!