What the fuck???
I know I can be camp but I hardly think I’ve slipped into full drag with an hourglass figure. I’m hairy, rotund and can’t walk in heels.
But twice! That’s a pattern.
The first time was at this beach bar Lady M and I stumbled upon. One of those places with day beds, cocktails in a bucket and a swarm of locals selling you plastic shit. Of course I bought myself a set of pink flashing Minnie ears.
So Lady M and are lounging with our Sea-Breezes when this annoying 10 year old little pretty girl comes up to us again. And again, I said ‘No thanks’ to whatever she was selling.
“You a Lady-Boy!” she says to me.
I turn to Lady M, “Wha…?”
Lady M whispers… “She called you a Lady-Boy”
The little girl points at my Minnie ears and then says…
“…Yeh, and you’ve got boobs!”
Then she grabbed my man-boob. Twice.
I nearly died, I was completely mortified. Lady M was hysterical. She nearly passed out from laughing so hard. In fact, she’s still laughing about it today.
The second time was a little more subtle. I went to a rather up-market spa, well up-market for Koh Samui, for a much needed facial. I needed to reverse the signs of aging caused by the sun. Gay much???
I chose a lovely after-sun care package. The treatment was spectacular. I loved every second. Layer after layer of moisture. I didn’t even mind her squeezing my blackheads on my sunburnt nose. But then towards the end it started to get a bit weird and there was some giggling from the girls behind me.
It felt like she was painting my face. Then I thought “Surely not, is she putting foundation on me?” but I was too embarrassed to say anything.
Next came a powdering. Then some colour to the lips.
I was laying in the chair thinking I’m gonna look like Bozo the Clown and was dreading looking in the mirror. Truth be known when I finally got to look in a mirror I kinda loved my new flawless complexion, shading and lip colour.
On exiting I checked the brochure and it said ladies get a light make-up with the treatment. Did they think I was a lady? Surely not. So they must think me Lady-Boyish.
Now I know I’m currently sporting a brilliant Smurf-blue nail polish and never go anywhere with out my headband but surely this doesn’t completely over-ride my extreme masculinity. I wasn't even wearig my new gorgeous Moo-Moo.
Perhaps there is a little Lady-Boy in me after-all.
Amateur drag here I come.