Monday, September 12, 2011

Poolside gossip, my favourite.

Lady M and I. Some may call us judgemental. Others may even call us bitches.

We much prefer the terms ‘people-watchers’ and ‘social commentators’. That gives us an air of dignity we feel appropriate.
The very glamorous Lady M.
We are at the end of our 2 week flap around Koh Samui and Koh Tao and SOOOOOOOO much of our fun times have been around 'commentating' on others. It is ridiculous fun.

We both love people-watching! We come up with their backstories, we give them personalities and professions, we are Carson Cressly when it comes to their wardrobe. All in whispered tones and behind upheld hands.

For example, we spent half an hour in this town’s biggest nightclub the other night and for all of that time we tried to work out who was a prostitute and who wasn’t. We had two definites and many contenders. Prince William was there with two mates who all wore pants and loafers – the Green Mango is not the place to play posh. Three girls in front of us, we decided a church group, didn’t have a drink between them. We didn’t trust them at all and almost asked for them to be thrown out. We were aching for the Russian construction workers to undo another button for our amusement. And the poor guy who got dumped by three ladies because he couldn’t even buy their attention. So much fun.

Our biggest cause for 'discussion' this past week has been the frightful German lesbians at our resort. They seem to be following us everywhere. They are in their late 60’s. They burnt us Day 1 when they stole our umbrella and table and Lady M saw red. As Lady M says "you can’t trust anyone who doesn’t use the pool and beach in front of them but instead only the showers to cool down".

My personal favourite group has been the four unbelievably beautiful boys who arrived on Day 3. Tall, blonde, tanned, buff. Despite us sneaking around behind shrubbery to perv on them we still can’t work out their indiscriminate accent. As long as they have their shirts off I don’t care what language they speak. But there was a late entry in the 'Hot Boys of the Pool' comp who I think took out the title...

Our biggest cause for mirth has been age-inappropriate dressing – which seems to go hand-in-hand with resort holidays. Lady M has some hard and fast rules. Lets not forget she is an incredibly stylish Melbourne fashionista. Women over 45 should not wear bikini’s. Sparkly wedges on anyone over 30 is a big mistake. Brief European Speedo’s on older men is disturbing. Larger women should always wear a one piece. And these are just the rules for around the pool. On the street it’s a whole different ball game.

This town comes alive at night and it seems everyone lives out their fantasies. And of course, we ‘commented’ on it all. We’d be sitting facing each other in a restaurant and then the now familiar smirk of Lady M would sweep across her face. I knew immediately there was something for me to see. A casual turn of the head and 9 out of 10 times I could spot it immediately; a grandmother in a mini-skirt, Eastern European ladies-of-the-night, Aussie footballers in Singha singlets, English lasses in 6 inch stiletto’s on cobbled streets. Koh Samui has it all for judgemental bitches like Lady M and I.

We will miss Charlotte and her family the most though. They have intrigued us greatly poolside. Charlotte is a 3 year old; some days she was a delight, others a complete brat. But she’s a Daddy’s girl through and through and he works hard to keep his bitch-wife in the life she thinks she should be accustomed. They brought on holidays Dad’s heavily pregnant sister who needed a break for we thought she was about to become a single-mother. Than low-and-behold on Day 4 Aunty’s ‘partner’ turned up!  A brute of a man in a tight trunk who spends too much time in the gym. Well this threw us for 6. Aunty’s baby has a Daddy after all. Charlotte’s gone now and we miss her.

This is how we pass our time, coming up with stories like this.

I love a resort holiday! Especially with my dear friend Lady M.

Home time now. xoxoxo

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