First of all, I have a huge issue with the Ex! All those years of him obsessing over Schapelle Corby (and subsequently why I know him as Aschapelle) reared their ugly this morning when, while travelling on my own for the first time, I went into complete meltdown that someone had smuggled illegals into my bag. I even bought locks at the airport! That 9 hour flight gave me plenty of time to fret, stew, analyse and ultimately grieve for the life I was about to give up in a Thailand prison cause someone had smuggled drugs into my bag.
I don’t care what anyone says… Schapelle Corby has ruined south-east Asian travel for all Australians (whether she’s guilty or not!).
Of course upon landing I swanned through immigration and customs like the fabulous gay single middle-aged man wearing head-to-toe black and wool that I am. My driver even found me, I didn’t have to find him. By the time I was in the comfort of his plush car and he had dispersed his chilled water and fragranted moist towelette I was completely stress free and ready to put behind me the self-imposed mental trauma of the past 9 hours.
And then there is Lebua, my hotel. First of all, no requirement to stand at a check-in counter here. They pleasantly seat you on a chaise lounge and then the receptionist comes to you to check you in. Felt so glamorous I did an unnecessary hair flick. Now my room is larger than my apartment. Stopped myself from stepping it out but I am very confident. Lebua shits on Man Pit! Bvlgari in the bathroom, complimentary mini-bar, free internet… That alone ticks every box I am looking for in a hotel.
To ensure that the chilled water and towelette had sufficiently done the de-stressing I booked myself in for a quick ‘Soothing back and shoulders massage’ at Lebua. Jeee-susss! At one point she was on all fours on my back with her knees and elbows digging deeper than I thought was possible. To end she made me sit up and literally waved me around the room by the torso. Next time I will be asking for soft rather than medium/hard for the first time in my life in any sense.
A quick shower and a tending too of the giant scab I still have on my face – I am on now on high rotation with 4 different antiseptics / cold sore creams – before heading off to explore the famous bars at the hotel. Let me start at the less-glamorous one…
|Note the sweeping staircase|
|I'm a bad photographer...|
And the all-important, signature-Lebua bar, Sky Bar…
I think I shall be very happy here.
Of course by this point I am exhausted, what with the time difference and all, so I do what all Australians do when they travel in south-east Asia – I ordered room service Nasi Goreng.
Good night. Tomorrow… SHOPPING!