My Marriage Story

Today is a day of action for Australian Marriage Equality. This amazing organization is taking to Canberra 60 representatives from around Australia to meet with more than 40 MPs as part of the Real families, Real stories – Marriage Equality goes to Canberra campaign. To support their phenomenal work and commitment, today I wanted to tell my story of why marriage equality is so important to me.

Like a lot of gay men, especially older gay men, I grew up knowing I was different. I knew I was different to the other kids but was never sure why. I always inherently felt that my life would be different without ever knowing or understanding how.

When I came to know myself better as a young adult it all became a little clearer. I was different because I was gay. A minority. A minority that a lot of people in my community knew little about other than the Are You Being Served stereotype. The less accepting were even threatened and therefore vocal against people like me.

But as is the human way you learn to surround yourself with people who understand you, accept you and want you to be happy with who you are. You build your own community. For me, I took great comfort and strength from the acceptance I found in the later years of my university life and then my move to the ‘gay ghetto’ of inner Sydney. Here I was embraced by people who understood men like me.

I cruised along blissfully for a number of years, rejoicing in being surrounded by like-minded people and men who loved other men. It was one of the happiest times of my life. Then something really weird happened that, with the benefit of hindsight, proved to be the final piece in the St. Murphy puzzle.

My mum rang me one day so excited and happy that my beautiful cousin was engaged to the man of her dreams. I was ecstatic, screamed like a 12 year old girl. In the hours after the call I started crying like a baby and I didn’t stop for days. I really struggled with the conflicted feelings of being so happy for my cousin but so sad I couldn’t stop crying. I found it really hard to talk about and it was quite some time before I understood it myself.

It simply came down to this – I would never be able to share with my family the joy and happiness that comes from marrying the love of your life like my brother and cousins could. It was heartbreaking. I was shell-shocked that my reaction was so deep-seeded. I finally understood as clear as day how my life would be different. That intuitive feeling I’d had since a child was finally explained.

Marriage is a fundamental part of our society, there is no denying this. We are taught from a very young age, both directly and indirectly, that central to your adult life will be to find someone you love and make a life together. Marriage is a key component of these learnings. I believe that for those growing up knowing they are different there is also the subconscious understanding that the ideal of marriage will not be a part of their adult life. What makes them different, their homosexuality, makes marriage an impossibility.

Many years have passed for me since my first true grasping of how different my life will be. What was originally an emotional outpouring has now evolved into profound anger. And certainly an element of bitterness. I’m nearly 40 so I’m mature enough and with enough life experience to understand that my happiness does not and should not depend on finding a life partner. Also, that making my family happy is not at all dependant on being able to share a wedding with them. My anger and bitterness has absolutely nothing to do with the romantic notion of marriage.

At the core of my anger and bitterness is the inequality of marriage. My government does not recognize me or my relationships in the same way it does my brother, my cousins and most of society. I do not have the same rights. I do not have the same choices. I do not have the same options available to me to celebrate my love for my partner. In 2011 there are still laws that discriminate against me because of how I was born. This INFURIATES me.

This makes me crazy angry for the gay community. How dare the Australian government tell us we are less deserving. Surely the choice to marry should be an individual choice, not one made by your government.  This inequality also makes me incredibly sad for young kids growing up knowing they are different. In 2011 we are still saying to them ‘not only are you different, but you are also not equal’. Surely there is not a parent in the country who wants there child growing up feeling they are an outsider, that they don’t have every chance at happiness available to them, that they will be discriminated against.

This is why I’ve come to see marriage equality as so much more than a gay issue. Gay adults tend to be strong people. There is a certain amount of conditioning that comes from being a minority that gives you a tough skin. And we draw great strength from our community.  The young do not have this sense of camaraderie available to them yet. As a society we should be providing for all our young an environment where they can feel comfortable to be themselves and free to share their love. Our Government needs to lead the way.

People from all walks of life need to band together on this issue as it has the potential to affect everyone. Gays, lesbians, parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, friends and families. Basicly, anyone human. Yes, the gay community are central to the fight, but it is the wider community who can really help to bring about change. I want everyone to believe in this need for change so that future generations grow up knowing that no one is discriminated against in this country and that it doesn’t matter who you fall in love with.

A change to the Marriage Act to recognize homosexuals is a message to all Australians, young and old, that all love is equal.

It will be a very clear message that discrimination against gays will not be tolerated in our society.

It’s a beautiful message to all who feel they have been born different that they have the same rights and opportunities as everyone else.

Bringing about Marriage Equality has the ability to change the lives of so many.

And for purely selfish reasons, I want everyone to help bring about change so that if I meet the man of my dreams one day I can invite my family and friends to celebrate our wedding.

I passionately believe I should have this choice available to me.

If you want to learn more about how you can help make a difference…

Read my post from a few weeks ago

Join with us on DEC 3 for CAAH Equality Rally

Spend some time on Australian Marriage Equality website

Share your marriage story in a show of support at mymarriagestory.com.au

Share the ‘I Do’ video message and sign their petition

Four and a half very important things!

Today I have four and a half very important things to share with you, very important indeed. Well, one news piece, 3 very importants and a half of silliness.

I’m going to start with the ‘half’.

Yeh, I’ve been a slack bitch! It’s been days since I posted. Got absolutely distracted by Big Gay Weekend. In fact it was so big and so gay that I’m sure I lost more than a weekend. It felt like a mini-holiday with vodka and lots of naked torso’s. But what else would you expect on a Big Gay Weekend other than vodka and bare torso’s. So the BGW post will be tomorrow. Actually, let me rephrase that, the censored, PG, ‘don’t want to make the straights jealous’ version of the BGW post will be tomorrow. As a teaser I offer you this…

The Sculptor

I have news! Big news! (and another reason for being so distracted lately!) After a very stressful few weeks we sold our house yesterday. So relieved, so glad it’s over. Things went from bad to worse while we were selling so it started to get a bit ugly for us. But we have the world’s best real estate agent – Will Phillips at Bresic Whitney – so in the end we avoided going to auction and got a price that we are both more than happy with. The sale brings to an end one of the most important chapters of my life. So I’m filled with relief but also very sad at the same time. Much sadder than I expected I would be.

Now, the three very important things I need to share with you.

The first is the too-brilliant-for-words ‘I Do’ video in support of Gay Marriage. Huge congratulations to everyone involved. Get on board and share it as much as you can.

Here is the link to the ‘’I Do’ website where it is so easy for you to share. There is also the link to sign the petition or contact your MP.

Secondly, one of my all-time favourite politicians Anna Bligh has recorded a message for It Gets Better. It’s a little bit special that Premier Bligh has shared this. And word on the street is that Anna has a phenomenally talented social media manager working with her.

Finally, I’ve come to know some amazing people in the blogging community. One of them is the divine BigWordsBlog. She is the amazing mum who stated the ‘I Love Equal Love’ button campaign - yes, the one you see to your right. Well her post this week is just beautiful and every Australian should read it. Bianca, you are a very special woman and I am completely in love with you. Read her post now!

The Equality One

That is all. Four and a half stories.

Hope you liked them.

St. Murphy

Real Families, Real Stories.

Right, listen up people!

Two very important things you need to know about. Pay attention, focus, there will be a quiz at the end.

Get on board the gay marriage bandwagon now, and I have heaps of ways for you to be involved.

Australian Marriage Equality (AME) have two key initiatives up and running over the next few weeks. Both very exciting! For marriage equality to come to fruition in Oz it needs a groundswell of mainstream support. It needs to be seen not just as a gay issue but as an equality issue effecting wider society. That is the focus of AME.

Last week AME announced a campaign called Real Families, Real Stories, Marriage Equality goes to Canberra. In a nutshell they are facilitating people from all walks of life to head to Canberra on October 12 to meet with their local MP's to discuss how marriage inequality effects them. The purpose is to demonstrate that it is not just gays and lesbians this inequality effects but also their family, friends, community and society.

Just wanted to put October 12 on your radar. Perhaps a day to tell your story of how marriage inequality effects you, someone you know or someone in your family. I would love so much to hear and read your stories. As would the team at AME.

And if you were really excited and passionate let me know because I’m sure there is always an opportunity for more people to head to Canberra!

The second initiative they are working on is MyMarriageStory.com.au - its purpose is to give all Australians a platform to share their ‘marriage story’. People can submit their personal story and photos about love, commitment and marriage through the MyMarriageStory.com.au website as a way of showing their support for marriage equality. As the convenor of AME, Alex Greenwich, says... “Everyone’s marriage story is unique, and this website aims to show that every story is special and should be treated equally". He's a very wise man.

For Twitter-lovers like me, there is a Twitter Marriage Rights Forum. AME will be participating in a Marriage Rights Forum on Twitter on Thursday 29 October, 8-9pm. Also taking part are former NSW Premier Kristina Keneally, Star Observer publisher Scott Abrahams and other special guest contributors. To be discussed: methods, ideas and tools that should be used to get the message across, upcoming events people can help with, and their thoughts on the campaign and on marriage. #Equality

So heaps of different ways to be involved if you wanted to. I would be ecstatic with any support you could show for this cause. All of the details of both initiatives are on the AME website – check it out here!

So this is an opportunity for any and every Australian to have a real impact on this cause simply by showing your support and/or spreading the word. Please do not hesitate to let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

Tell your story on your blog, tweet links to blogs on the subject, promo the AME site on your Facebook page.

Take some time and tell your story on MyMarriageStory.com.au

Mark December 3 in your diary NOW cause that’s when I’ll be calling on you to show your support for marriage equality by marching from Hyde Park to Darling Harbour at Labor Party National Conference.

So much to be excited about. So many ways to show support and make a difference.

The next 2 months is our chance to bring about great change.

And now the quick quiz…

a) How many gay or lesbian family or friends do you have?

b) How does their inequality effect you?

c) How can you show support for them?

d) How important is it to you that Australian children grow up knowing that all their friends and family, and especially themselves, are equal in the eyes of the law?

Hate to get all ‘preacher’ on you but hopefully if you think about this you’ll see that this is an issue for so many more people than just the gay community.

Xoxoxoxoxo

St. Murphy

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Happy Happy Joy Joy! Sound of Music Happy!

Goddamn I’m in a good place at the moment and I feel like shouting it from the rooftops/laptop.

First of all, I love Man Pit. So happy here. Really used to living alone now. I have my Clinique bathroom, my Diet Coke fridge, my vodka freezer, my My Dog pantry and Foxtel. What more could you want in a bachelor pad? Yep, nothing. I do wish the rent wasn’t bankrupting me but it’s a small price to pay for Man Pit.

I’m loving work! Very exciting at the moment. Have been with the same employer for 7 years so of course there are ups and downs, but at the moment its just up, up and away. And please do not let them know, it will make my life unbearable, but I love the people I work with. Love! Never a dull moment and so much fun.

I’m dating for the first time in my adult life and I’m thinking its pretty cool. I'm very bad at it but that’s a whole other post.

Sammy. That is all. My bestfriend and most loyal companion. And I’ll come up with any excuse to post a photo of him…

Made some very funny friends lately and they constantly amuse me. Also have met the brains and brawn behind both Australian Marriage Equality and Community Action Against Homophobia, personal heroes of mine. They’ve got a huge job to do between now and Dec 3 and I’m gonna help wherever I can.

I’m not even stressed that my financial security hangs in the balance with the sale of my house. I know we’ve done all we can and now it’s out of our hands.

Just my little photo spread in SMH's Domain

Summer is just moments away. Just praying it gets here before I lose all of my hard-earned Koh Samui tan.

And so much to look forward to the next few months…

First up, have The Sculptor and 3GreggyD up from Melbourne this weekend for Big Gay Weekend. Going to my first dance party in four years. I’m nervous/excited. It’s being held during the day though which is great as in the last four years I’ve also become the biggest nanna ever.

I hope they all look like him...

In a few weeks I have a blogging conference in Melbourne, which is great in itself, but I’m also sharing an apartment with Woogsworld, Edenland, StylingYou and Sawhole. Can you imagine? No neither can we so we are webstreaming it. Its scares me that I’ll be with a group of friends where I am the quiet one.

After that I’m having a mini-University reunion with some friends who I shared a dorm with in ’95. I can’t even begin to fathom how much has changed for each of us in the last 16 years but we are going to find out with a weekend together in Orange. With lots of food!

Then the big one! My beautiful Cousin Rach just got engaged to a very fabulous man, Nick; a fine addition to the family and a very happy occasion. Now I am the oldest of our generation and Rachel is the youngest, but in terms of maturity we are the same age. Heading home to Griffith for the engagement party and to celebrate with all the fam. And you know I have a very special family.

Huge and sincere congratulations Nick and Rach

Then before you know it its Xmas Party Season – my favourite time of year! Then two weeks off for the festive season.

So you can see why that today, September 27, 2011, I am a very happy man. Its all seems to have come together quite brilliantly at just the right time. More through good luck than good management, but hey that’s the luck of the Irish (a very tenuous link to my Irish heritage).

So after all my whinging on this page the last 6 months, it feels good to spray happiness today.

Thank you for your patience.

xoxoxo

Severe Identity Crisis!

Just a quick look  back over some of my blog posts lately and it’s a mix so turbulent it could make you sea sick– electrical appliances, poolside gossip, family stuff, a Bear party, boozey nights, food, gay marriage and Lady Boys. Now that’s an identity crisis.

I’m so confused as to what I’m doing here. I need your help!

There are Mummy Bloggers, Food Bloggers, Tech and Gadget Bloggers, TV Bloggers, Fashion Bloggers, Business Bloggers… all make me feel like the outcast kid sitting alone at the lunch table. I don’t fit in.

I’ve always thought that when I grow up I want to be a Mummy Blogger. They are so cool and have got their shit together. A real community. They have stories about the most random stuff but it all seems to make sense for their page. They are hilarious, insightful, brutally honest and direct. Me, while I do love a penis its clear I don’t have fallopian tubes. Therefore, me no can be a Mummy Blogger as I’m presuming one of the defining characteristics is being a Mummy.

While I certainly care for my Little Sammy like you would a child, he has four legs not two. Doesn’t quite cut it. Perhaps I could be a Dog Daddy Blogger?

Any excuse to include a pic of Little Sammy

Another key factor in my identity crisis is that most of my blogging buddies are Mummy Bloggers. Its bad enough I’m a minority in the real world without being one online as well. I go to Mummy Blogger functions and conferences and stuff, usually as a Mummy Bloggers Plus 1. My three best-blogging-bitches - Mrs Woog, StylingYou and Edenland - lead me through this world and I am their fabulous-gay-best-friend. Perhaps I should become a Hag Fag Blogger?

The stuff I write about most is gay stuff. Truth is, being as camp as Xmas leaves me very little room to move on this one. I lead a particularly homosexual lifestyle. Even my home is called Man Pit. In fact all the best homo stuff I can’t write about here cause it would put hairs on the chest of my Mummy Blogger mates. I’m sure the wider blogging community doesn’t want to hear about Grindr, gay porn, ManHunt, seedy bars, bad one nights stands, etc. Could possibly also paint me as somewhat immoral (coughs, chokes) which would hardly be true.

I wanna be a Gay Super Hero

But it is undeniable there is a very big gay theme running through this blog like a feather boa on the Mardi Gras dance floor. Its what I know best. It’s why I call myself a professional homosexual – I love the ambiguity of that tag! Professional could mean either ‘has a career’, ‘very good at’ or ‘slutty’. I’ll leave it up to you to define for yourself. So probably the most apt description is a Professional Homo Blogger.

I’m also deeply passionate about gay marriage equality. I write about it a lot and that is only going to increase over the coming months in the lead-up to the Labor Party National Conference and CAAH Rally on Dec 3. I’ll be flying the Rainbow flag high and proud between now and then. AND I’ll be expecting lots of support from the blogging community. So this subject leaves me thinking I should be a Gay Activist Blogger, at least for the next 3 months.

Strangely, when I first started this blog 6 months ago, I thought I’d be writing about television (my great love) and pop culture (my great weakness) a lot more than I have. These subjects have lost relevance just like Britney Spears. It seems they just don’t hold my attention like I thought they would. I got too much other shit to talk about. So sadly Television Addict and Pop Culture Victim should not be on my calling card anymore.

So where does that leave me?

Gay as hell, that’s where it leaves me.

So I think from now on I am going to define myself as a Professional Homo Blogger. I’m gonna rally the troops of other Gayers and start our own little community. We may not be as numerous as my dear friends the Mummy Bloggers but goddamn I bet we could match them in vodka consumption and shopping skills.

So my questions for you my lovely readers… 

Have I solved my identity crisis? 

And do you know any other Professional Homo Bloggers?

We're going to make a difference.

Gay marriage, marriage equality, rights of homosexuals, blah blah blah. Yeh, you’ve heard me rant on this topic so much here at St. Murphy. It’s probably the subject I am most passionate about in the world.

Well last night I finally did something about it. After boring everyone with my grandstanding, debating and arguing I’ve finally backed this rhetoric up with some action. I think I’ve officially become an activist. I’ve joined up with Community Action Against Homophobia.

CAAH are the organisers of the Gay Marriage rallies in Sydney. I reached out to them after the last rally, along with some fantastic friends of mine, and offered up our services. See, we are all a bunch of PR/publicity/marketing peeps who felt we could really give some support to the next important rally on Dec 3. And CAAH have welcomed us.

I feel like I have purpose now.

I can’t believe it has actually taken me so many years to get involved with a group like this. I’ve been a very slack hummer-sexual. Have been very happy to reap all the benefits of the gay lifestyle without actually giving anything back to the community. I’m what you would call a very selfish gayer.

But now I’m unbelievably excited to be a part of something that could bring about great change. I met with the CAAH guys last night to see what PR stuff we could do for them. We came up with some great ideas that you’ll hear about shortly. More importantly it was absolutely brilliant to meet people who are so smart, and committed, and passionate about this cause. It was inspiring.

December 3. Mark it in your diaries now. December 3 there is a march from Hyde Park to Darling Harbour. The march is aimed at having an impact on the Gay Marriage debate at the National Labor Party Conference. It’s also a great show of solidarity and community support for marriage equality. I’ll be working with CAAH, along with my activist buddies ShaunHeron, TheFlack and Arrjaydub, to spread the word and raise the profile of the event. We are gonna help get feet on the streets.

You’ve been warned! I expect fabulous support from all my friends at St. Murphy.

I’ve had quite a few twitter and blogging friends offer up support and assistance too. Will be calling on you guys soon. I hope as many of you Sydney-siders as possible join us on the day. We want to have as broad a cross-section of society as possible represented at the march. Everyone has a gay friend, a gay family member or a gay workmate who is discriminated against by not having the same choices available to them as heterosexuals.

That’s what I see as central to this issue. I do not have the same choices available to me as the majority of the population. The law does not recognise my relationships the same way it does heterosexual. The messages this sends my community is that our love is different and not as worthy. I am here to tell you it is. The law must change. I hope I can count on your support. It would mean so much.

Together we can make a difference.

Thank you so much CAAH for giving me the chance to work with you.

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